


There Will Be Time

by LittleDidTheyKnow



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Matt Murdock Is Actually Aware That He Makes Bad Choices, Mentions of Season 2, Mentions of the Defenders - Freeform, Original Female Characters - Freeform, Post-Season/Series 01, Pre-Defenders, Pre-Season/Series 02, Slow Burn, Unapologetically Flirty Matt Murdock, and this writer is starving for them, since this show is starving for them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-01-21 19:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12463995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleDidTheyKnow/pseuds/LittleDidTheyKnow
Summary: Things are finally looking up for the law firm of Nelson & Murdock after putting Wilson Fisk behind bars. Karen Page is starting to feel safer and despite the fact that Daredevil literally ran into her the night before, she can’t wipe the smile from her face. Because right before he left, her favorite vigilante kissed her.Karen is confused but can’t help but be giddy. Foggy is ecstatic that his two best friends are moving toward a happy ending even though Karen doesn’t know who Daredevil actually is. And Matt? Well, Matt is having a hard time with his secretary’s revelation.Because the man who kissed her definitely wasn’t him.Post-season 1.





	1. Running into the Devil

**Author's Note:**

> By posting this, I am forcing myself to finish, so i’ll Try to update as much as possible, but no promises.
> 
> This has been a really difficult story for me to work on because it's crazy complicated, and any and all feedback is appreciated. 
> 
> Hopefully, those of you who are having a rough time with the state of Karedevil will get some joy from this.

Karen Page always remembered the first time her mother described her as “persistent.”

She was six years old, and it was probably the hundredth time she had asked her why her father disappeared into his lab for hours— sometimes  _days_ on end.

“Karen Eleanor Page, your persistence is going to get the better of you if you don’t mind your own _business_!”

That was her third response and it had followed “leave your father alone” and “you wouldn’t understand.” Her tone had gotten meaner with time and her last response had actually scared her little girl.

She ran to her favorite hiding place— a large oak tree in her backyard, and she had sighed in relief once her mother gave up her search after 20 minutes. She had been close to finding her blonde interrogator, even checking around the back of her favorite tree to make sure. But she didn’t look up.

Persistence was one of Karen’s defining traits, and it was the central issue of her relationship with her mother. Because Penelope Page didn’t like being asked questions she didn’t have the answers to— especially when they came out of the mouth of a six-year-old.

For a time during her teen years, she believed that persistence wasn’t just the negative characteristic that her mother had made it out to be. Her determination often led to great results, including fighting her way onto her high school newspaper a year sooner than most students at her school and getting her English teacher to allow her to re-read _Pride and Prejudice_ instead of  _A Separate Peace—_ a book she had read two years earlier and hated.

But she started to recognize a pattern in her adult life, particularly in the last year. She found that positive results gained through her persistence were almost always followed by a negative event, and it often changed her life for the worse.

Take her time in New York. She had moved away from a stifling hometown and even more stifling parents and settled in Manhattan. She was the proud owner of a secretarial position after just two days of taking resumes to every office that would let her enter its doors. Union Allied guaranteed hours and even overtime— which was very necessary for a woman who barely had enough money to eat when she’d first arrived in the city.

She didn’t know it, but the company that hired her was desperate. No one stayed for long in _any_ position, and they had lost two secretaries in the last month alone. She had found their turnover rate for _secretaries_ peculiar, but she considered it her good fortune.  

She should have known that things rarely went her way without consequences.

It didn’t take long for Karen to discover that Union Allied was corrupt, and they were willing to do anything to discredit her and keep that corruption under wraps. Her first indication was the blatant lies her boss told her after she opened the email that proved its higher ups had been stealing from the pension fund. The second was waking up after being drugged next to a dead Daniel Fisher with a knife in her hand.

In the time it took her to change out of her blood-soaked clothes and into an NYPD t-shirt, Karen Page had written off the possibility of seeing life outside of prison walls ever again.

Then she met Nelson and Murdock.

She didn’t know why her new lawyers were willing to take her on, but she had a good feeling about them, and that was all because of Matt Murdock. He had believed her when no one else did. And she could tell that he wanted to save her from a fate she couldn’t imagine.

That took being strangled and nearly killed to deliver information to bring Union Allied down, but she found herself free and thankful. She was back to square one again, jobless and on the verge of being penniless, but she didn’t give up, and that left her in a better position than she could ever imagine. She could safely say that the one thing she had done right was insert herself into Foggy Nelson and Matt Murdock’s lives.

And just like that, she had a new job and two new friends. But the voice in the back of her head resonated that much more when she found out that everything— Daniel Fisher’s death, her frame job, Elena Cardenas’ tenant dispute and subsequent murder— it was all tied to one evil man: Wilson Fisk.

So she had a really hard time giving up on bringing Fisk to justice.

She dug for answers and she thought she had it: the smoking gun to prove that Fisk had lied. She had a reporter who was on her side and bosses who were willing to take him down. She didn't even care when Nelson and Murdock were suddenly in the middle of a crisis and unwilling to listen to what she had learned. She didn’t need an “ok” from Matt and Foggy; she could take care of things herself. She went to that nursing home with a plan to unmask a villain and she struck gold.

And then everything fell apart. Her job looked like it was in the air, her friends weren’t speaking to each other or even answering her calls, Ben was angry with her for being too persistent and not accepting the fact that he wanted to be done. And James Wesley found her. She got out of that situation scarred from what she did, but alive. She had tied up her loose ends and had taken a man’s life to save everything and everyone she held dear. But she should have known it wasn’t that easy. Because Fisk killed Ben Urich, and she never really knew whether it was connected to his mother or connected to his expose. But she did know that it was her fault.  

That was her lowest point. She had been the reason that three men were dead. She felt bad about the two who had tried to help her, and she promised herself she’d never let that happen again. But James Wesley deserved each bullet she gave him.

She planned to keep her head down after everything that happened in the past year, and for the most part, she did. She didn’t need much more than a job, a place to live, and her friends. And she didn’t want to draw any more attention to herself. She was going to lead a quiet life and pray that her past wouldn’t come back to bite her in the ass.

But that all changed one evening in April when she collided with Daredevil.

* * *

Karen walked down the sidewalk with a bag full of groceries and a smile on her face.

Wilson Fisk had been behind bars for several months, and there hadn't been repercussions for killing his best friend. She put a huge amount of faith in the fact that Fisk had reach, but his focus may have been on more important things— like getting out of prison.

She didn't feel constant sadness every time she walked past the place where Daniel Fisher had bled to death in her apartment. And she thought about Ben every day, but she was at the point where she had forgiven herself enough that she didn’t glare every time she saw the woman she had come to hate in the mirror. For her, that was growth.

The residual signs of winter had disappeared, and she found herself taking less public transportation and walking the New York City streets, whether it be on her way to work, on errands, or with Matt and Foggy. The few dollars she saved on bus fare for rainy or snowy days were a welcome relief. Nelson & Murdock had been busy, but finances were still tight. Her pay-off money from Union Allied was long gone, so she was eating out less and cooking her way through an easy recipe book. She'd typically bring in leftovers for the boys to try at lunch if she didn’t fail the night before, which, she was proud to say, was happening more often than not.

She never blamed herself for her lack of cooking skills. She was a klutz as a child and she frequently made mistakes that were more aggravating than adorable to both her mother and grandmother. She tried to be as careful as possible, but her nerves from the possibility of disappointing the matriarchs of her family always resulted in bigger mistakes.

That was one of the reasons she liked to be alone. She had low expectations and wasn't nearly as hard on herself when it came to trivial things like cooking. She'd turn up her music and dance and sing as loud as she wanted to while she measured and sliced and stirred. It became a kind of therapy. 

Tonight she was planning on making a new Italian dish, and she’d splurged on a bottle of wine to go with. But her plans were dashed the moment she turned the corner and slammed into none other than Daredevil himself.

Her grocery bag flew out of her arms, and she heard the shattering of glass as it went into a wall and she landed on the concrete. She tilted her head and saw a sideways view of the men he had been chasing as they hightailed it down the street and coughed because the wind had been knocked out of her. 

Karen looked back at the man who was on top of her, feeling his gloved hand stroking the back of her head. He had protected it from hitting the sidewalk. He tilted his head and broke into a heartbreaking smile. She was mesmerized by him and wondered if his lip was really quivering for the ten seconds before he spoke or if it was just her imagination.

"Are you alright beautiful?"

"I'm ok," she said, trying to sound honest even though his weight was crushing her slightly. She pointed in the direction of the runners withou looking. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"They won't get far,” he was running his fingers along the side of her face, trying to feel her shape through his thick gloves as her heart started to race. “You're more important."

A few onlookers started to gather and she saw them staring at her and her vigilante. "I'm fine, Daredevil." 

He nodded. Suddenly she was standing up, still in his arms. His left hand held hers as she smiled at him and then he caught her completely off guard and kissed her. It didn't last long, but that night she would remember his soft lips and the feeling of his mask against her cheek. She stood frozen as he let go of her hand and took off back down the street.

She gathered her grocery bag, knowing crucial ingredients were covered in glass and walked back to her apartment, never noticing the trail of red wine she left behind her.

* * *

"Stop it Foggy!" Matt said with a smile on his face as he caught a mug that whizzed through the air. "Don't I deserve coffee before you start this never-ending game?"

Matt should have known there would be ridiculous repercussions for telling his best friend that he had enhanced senses. The last few months he'd been bombarded with anything that could fly through the air. Paper clips, staplers, paper airplanes, and the occasional baked good. And the fact that they were here on a Sunday morning meant Foggy was even less professional than usual. 

"That's what the mug was for," Foggy said with a laugh as Matt filled it with coffee. “And I think you know the answer to that question.”

Once Matt had a free hand, Foggy threw a donut, which Matt caught and took a bite of. "You _know_ that was for _Karen_ , Matt!"

"Then why'd you throw it at _me_ , Foggy?" Matt shrugged and his best friend questioned his loyalty since he didn't seem to feel bad whatsoever for his mistake. 

"I wasn't thinking." He looked into the box. "Damn it, I only got one strawberry iced with sprinkles." He closed the box annoyed. "I'm telling her that this was your fault."

" _I'm so sorry, Karen. Foggy handed me your donut and I didn’t know it belonged to you until I tasted it,_ " he said pathetically, knowing she couldn't be mad with him over such a mistake.

Karen walked through the door to the office and saw what looked like a staring match between a blind man and his best friend.

"You two sure do look like you're working hard." she said as she entered the kitchen laughing.

Matt wiped the sprinkles from his lips. "Foggy gave me your strawberry with sprinkles," he said guiltily.

She took the partially eaten donut from his hand. “I think it’ll be alright.” She put it into her mouth so she could pour herself a cup of coffee.

"It was his fault," Foggy said with his mouth full, before washing his donut down with a gulp of coffee.

"You two can get your story straight later. We have appointments in ten minutes." The firm had started offering hours on Sundays because some of their clientele couldn’t make any time during the workweek. To most of the residents of Hell’s Kitchen, the “weekend” just meant that their kids were home and they probably needed to find some form of daycare.

"Yes, Ma'am," Foggy said, saluting her. He looked over at Matt as she left the kitchen to go to her office. He had a huge smile on his face.

"You need to ask her out.” Foggy whispered. “And you should do it today."

" _I don't know Foggy_." Matt had a list of reasons he was holding back, the worst of which was the fact that he put on a mask and chased after criminals nightly.

"You do know. That dumb look on your face says everything."

Matt waved Foggy off, wondering if he was right. He'd been fighting his feelings for months. He couldn't help but wonder how much he’d regret his inaction if she met someone else. He noticed the sugar packet Karen had left on the countertop and walked over to her desk, ready to take the plunge.

Karen was standing on the side of her desk, going through the mail from the day before. She thanked him as he handed the packet to her. "I thought I'd have to scrape some of this icing into my coffee so that I could avoid walking all the way back to the kitchen," she said smiling as she poured half of the packet into her mug and took a sip before reading the letter she had in her other hand.

He stood in front of her, rubbing his fingers over his coffee mug, grateful that she didn't notice his fidgeting. "Karen, I was wondering..."

She winced as she sat the envelope down and pushed herself off her desk.

He went from nervous to worried. "What's wrong?"

She sighed, surprised he'd noticed such a small noise escape her mouth. "I'm fine, Matt. Just a little bruised."  

The printer pushed out four pages and Foggy exited his office. He stopped as he saw Karen rubbing the enormous bruise on her elbow.

"What happened, Karen?" He asked, worried.

Matt sat his coffee down on her desk and lifted his her left arm, finding the exact location of her purple and blue skin.

She looked down at Matt, who was tracing the outside of her bruise. "I ran into Daredevil last night. Or, rather, he ran into me. Hard." Matt’s body stiffened.

"What an idiot," Foggy said sarcastically.

"It's fine, guys. He was chasing two men and I happened to be turning the corner at the wrong time. He made sure I was ok. Too bad the groceries for my dinner became casualties."

"No!" Foggy’s worries shifted to the as he understood that her run-in with Daredevil would now affect him. "Does that mean we're not getting _Karen surprise_ today?"

Her mouth shifted to her most dramatic sad face. "Nope. Sorry, Foggy."

"Foggy, don't we ask for enough?" Matt said as he moved his fingers down his forearm and found a spot that had been scraped by concrete. She smiled at him and tried to keep her hand from shaking as he stroked her skin.

Foggy shifted from selfish to sorry. "I'm glad you're ok, Karen."  

"Don't worry about it, Foggy. It was a really weird day. He actually…" she shook her head, still confused over whether she had dreamed the last part.  

"He actually what, Karen?" Matt asked.

"He kissed me," she said, turning bright red and clarifying immediately. "It caught me completely off guard."

"Oooooh!" Foggy said, excited. "Karen Page and Daredevil. Does that mean your kids would have little red horns on their heads? Are ninja kicks hereditary?”

"Haha, Foggy,” she said as she turned to walk to her desk chair. Foggy patted Matt’s shoulder, but he looked toward him and shook his head vigorously before she turned back around.

Foggy looked at him confused and Matt grabbed his arm and walked him into his office, closing the door behind them.

"Why didn't you tell me, Matt? And why would you kiss her as _Daredevil_?”

"I don’t understand,” he said, shaking his head and listening to her as she opened another envelope.

“Now you _have_ to tell her that was you.” Foggy waved at her as she looked at them peculiarly and waved back.

Matt was still shaking his head. “How is it even possible?”

“What do you mean? I’m sure she’ll be fine with it, Matt. You and I both know that Karen Page loves Daredevil.” He patted him on the back, but Matt didn’t budge. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“I didn't tell you,” he sighed, “because that wasn't _me,_  Foggy."

* * *

Matt spent the morning looking for any sign of Daredevil sightings on various news websites, but he came up with nothing. The idea that someone had fashioned a Daredevil costume wasn’t that crazy to him. But why would they kiss the woman he had feelings for? It seemed too coincidental.

Matt heard Karen typing on her laptop and stop suddenly, letting out a quiet pained sigh. She reached behind her shoulder and found that blood that had seeped through her dress. Matt was kicking himself for focusing on the information she had given and not realizing that she was more hurt than she'd let on.

Karen headed to the restroom and unzipped the top of her dress as best she could so that she could pull it down and change the bandages on the back of her shoulder. She reached for the metal first aid kit, but it fell onto the tile and made a ridiculously loud noise throughout the office. Then she heard Matt's voice.

"Karen? Are you alright in there?"

"I'm fine Matt," she yelled through the door. "I'm just trying to fix this stupid cut on my back."

"Would you like some help?"

She opened the door and saw his smile which grew larger as the first aid kit fell off the sink again.

"We need a bigger bathroom," Karen said as she backed up so he could come inside. She picked up the first aid kit as he let the door close behind them, giving him more room, but he was still right up next to her.

"I'll get right on that. My first priority was to start paying you a decent wage, but the bathroom might actually be cheaper if we get enough Nelsons on it."

She chuckled. "You know, I'd go with your first instinct. _Then_ fix up the bathroom."

He unzipped the rest of her dress and she lowered it to her waist as he removed the three band-aids she had placed close to each other and threw them away, taking an alcohol wipe from her hand and cleaning her skin.

"This is what I get for buying cool-looking band-aids. Apparently, the dinosaur option isn't the most practical."

He laughed. "Dinosaurs? Like, children's band-aids?"

"The velociraptor on the front of the box had a pretty serious looking cut, Matt."

"Yes, because the adhesive on these little things would definitely hold up on the skin of a dinosaur."

"That's what it looked like on the package. If it’s not true, it's false advertising." He laughed again and she glared at him. "Laugh all you want, Murdock, but I injure myself a lot. At least this way, I look cool."

"I'm sure you do, Karen."

Her pride got the better of her. "Stupid Daredevil. He shatters my wine, ruins my dinner, and injures me. And now Matt Murdock is mocking me for my lack of adult first aid decision-making skills."

He threw the alcohol swab in the garbage and pulled out a larger bandage as a piece of her hair fell and tickled his knuckles. She saw his smile in the mirror and wondered what it was about.

"I'm sorry Karen. I guess you'll have to pick a new favorite Hell's Kitchen crime fighter." He ran his fingers along the outside of the bandage and let her pull her dress over her arms before zipping it back up.

She sighed as she turned around. "I must be a masochist, Matt. Because apparently anyone who calls me beautiful after knocking me to the ground is still good in my book."

He narrowed his eyes. "He called you beautiful?"

"He did. Maybe he was laying the groundwork for kissing me, though I don't think that part was planned. When I reminded him that he was chasing after two men, he told me I was more important."

Matt was getting more and more interested in the man who passed himself off as his alter ego. "I didn't think he operated that way, but it kind of sounds like a line."

"Maybe,” she nodded like it was something she had thought about herself. “It definitely worked." She watched him as he closed the first aid kit and put it back into its place. It was obvious that he was deep in thought. 

"Don't worry, Matt. I'm not running away with a _dangerous vigilante._ " She said with air quotes. "We'll probably never see each other again anyway." 

* * *

Matt had two more appointments and met Foggy once he was finished. He knew it was pretty much impossible to get any actual work done after his recent discovery.

"I don't know why someone is acting like they're you, but I guess it was kind of bound to happen."

Matt nodded. He had considered the idea that copy-cats could ruse out of the woodwork, but he’d lucked out so far.

“But what are the chances that he'd run into her of all people?"

"I don’t know but I think you need to tell her. So she doesn’t end up in the same position again. There’s probably something wrong with this guy."

"Yeah." Matt had already decided it was time to reveal his biggest secret to the woman whose opinion mattered more to him than anyone else’s. He didn't know any other way.

Foggy left around 7:00, but Matt had one last client in his office. Karen always stuck around in case he needed anything since there was always work for her to do anyway. She looked at her watch after she locked the door to the building. It was 7:30. 

"What are your plans for tonight, Karen?" 

"Nothing exciting. I was going to grab a gyro from a food cart up the block."

"The one near my place?"

"Yeah." He tapped his fingers on his leg and she lifted an eyebrow as she observed him. She thought that he might be acting strangely after their moment in the bathroom, but she knew that had been harmless.

"Would I be intruding if I invited myself?"

"Of course not, Matt. What's going on? You're acting really weird."

He stopped himself from tapping his fingers and smiled awkwardly. “Am I?”

****

”They walked up the block, passing Josie's. The sky was a beautiful shade of pink, and Karen noticed Matt's nervousness as he tried to figure out where to begin.

"Do you remember when I told you about how I lost my sight?"

"Yeah." His accident brought tears to her eyes any time she thought of a nine-year-old him being hit by a truck.

"Well I told you some of the story, but not all of it."

He stopped on the sidewalk and moved out of the way of passing pedestrians. She moved over with him and touched his shoulder.

"What is it, Matt?"

"Karen, I…" He heard a noise and tilted his head to listen as her eyes went to the location above them. Karen saw a flash of red landing on another roof nearby.

"I don't believe it,” she said. "I just saw Daredevil."

He was distracted enough not to notice that she was talking about seeing the vigilante right then.

“Karen, that wasn’t Daredevil."

She kept looking up in hopes that he might turn around for some reason. "He was fast, but that was definitely him."

“Wait, you _saw_ him? Just now?”

“Yeah, right above us...” she looked away from the rooftops as Matt folded his cane and handed it to her without thinking.

"I've got to go. I'll call you later."

"You'll call me—" she shook her head in disbelief. _He_ was the one who wanted to get dinner with her. "What is it, Matt?"

"I'm sorry Karen, but I'll explain later. Just… Don't interact with him if you see him again."

"Matt—"

He slipped around the corner and left her dumbfounded. Then she shook her head and took off after him. He wasn't anywhere in sight on the empty street, but she ran down it anyway. She heard a sound down an alley to her left and saw a figure jumping off the fire escape and over the roof.

"Son of a bitch." She said as she ran to the ladder, slipping his cane into her purse before taking off her heels and trying to climb as quickly as possible with one free hand. She heard a scuffle on the roof and tossed her shoes over the brick, pulling herself on top of the edge.

What she saw defied reason. Matt was throwing punches at her vigilante and landed one right on his jaw.

" _Stop_ _it_ , _you_ _two_!" She shouted, and Matt turned her direction right as Daredevil punched him in the exact same place on his face, knocking him to the ground.

Daredevil walked over to her and picked her shoes off the ground, slipping one onto each foot like he was Prince Charming and she was Cinderella. He put his hands on her waist and helped her down.

He moved a piece of hair behind her feet after her feet touched the ground. "Hi, gorgeous."  

* * *

Karen pushed Daredevil's arm away and ran to Matt, helping him up. "What the _hell_ , Matt?" She stood between the two of them shaking her head as Daredevil smiled at her.

"Karen, don't go near that guy. He isn't Daredevil," he said once he got to his feet. He pushed her behind him, ready to fight again.

"Why do you keep _saying_ that?" Karen kept moving so that she could see the man in front of Matt, but he moved with her each time and she started to feel like his shadow instead. 

"Oh, believe me. I am most definitely Daredevil." The masked man said.

"Nice try, buddy. Where'd you get the suit?" He could tell that it was made of the same material, but it seemed... different. He couldn’t tell without touching it and he wasn’t about to now.

Daredevil shook his head and it infuriated Matt. "Same place you got it. Well, sort of…"

"Same place you—“ Karen pushed Matt's arm down and stepped in front of him. "Matt, tell me this is a joke."

"It's no joke, sweetheart," Daredevil said, but she didn't look behind her. She couldn't believe her eyes. The defeated look on Matt's face said it all. 

Matt pulled her behind him again, and she turned bright red with anger.

"Karen, this guy can't be trusted. Believe me,"

"Why can't he be trusted, Matt? Because _you're_ Daredevil?"

"Who in the hell are you?" He yelled angrily at the man in the mask.

"Haven’t you figured it out yet?” Daredevil reached up and took off his mask. Matt wrapped both of his arms around Karen and backed her against the brick wall as Karen gasped and covered her mouth.

“I’m you."


	2. Time For an Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt, Karen, and Foggy speak with their new visitor. 
> 
> Two of them are on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  
> One of them is too excited to ask the tough questions. 
> 
> And one of them is cockier than they'd expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've been super behind with this story. If anything is confusing, please let me know either on here or message @murdocklovespage or @littledidtheyknow on Tumblr. I'll make the distinction easier in later chapters, I promise.

Matt listened to the sound of whiskey hitting glass as Karen stared at the wall by his bar and poured herself a generous amount. Her breathing pattern was off, and he wanted nothing more than to hear her regular heartbeat. It usually calmed him in times of stress.

Not today.

He was the reason she was this confused and upset. Or to be more correct, two of him were the reason she was barely holding it together. And who could blame her?

Just moments before, she had witnessed a ridiculous altercation between both Matts as they argued about a location to have a real conversation about something that seemed impossible. Daredevil Matt had offered the idea of going to his apartment, and her Matt had emphatically declined. Daredevil laughed at his other self’s futile attempt to keep the location of his home from him, and he shook his head condescendingly as he spouted off the correct address.

Her Matt had sighed angrily and moved the protest over to Karen, but he lost that argument before he even started. There was no way in hell that he could convince her to go to a safe location while he sorted everything out. And her response of "not a chance," was dripping with anger and resentment.

So here they were.

Karen finished her drink and poured another glass, feeling the effect immediately and gaining the momentary strength to turn around and ask for an explanation. But the second she saw two of them standing side by side and staring toward her, she forgot her line of questioning completely.

She sighed and leaned against the wall as her Matt walked over to her and poured himself a large glass, haphazardly grabbing the bottle and heading to the couch. He downed half of his drink and choked as a burning sensation consumed his throat. It was nothing in comparison to the sting of knowing that the woman he was worried about losing was staring at the back of his head indignantly as his other self smiled at her from the kitchen table.

They waited an awkward five minutes until Foggy knocked on the door. Matt flinched as his intruder jumped up to greet his best friend. He threw his arms around him, which caught Foggy off guard, but he responded in kind, looking the new Matt up and down as he pulled away.

“You have some big news to tell me, Matt? Is that why I had to head right over?” The Matt sitting on the couch chuckled, and it sounded like he was on the verge of becoming unhinged. Karen stared at him like she was preparing for the nervous breakdown. Foggy didn’t notice. He was too busy gazing at Daredevil in confusion as he walked him down the hallway. “Why are you wearing the suit? Did Karen need a visual—”

He looked to the living room and saw the second Matt on the couch shaking his head.

“What in the…?” He rubbed his eyes and blinked over and over again like his double vision was the result of an eye issue. He walked over to the couch and touched the original Matt, to make sure he was real and not a hologram. At this point, that would be a less ridiculous notion. "You have a secret twin I didn't know about, _Murdock_?" Foggy asked honestly. Matt shook his head. 

The second Matt stood next to Foggy and smiled at him. “Don't be ridiculous, Foggy. You think I could hide that from _you_?" Neither of them realized how ridiculous that statement was since he hid his abilities for quite some time. That was how jarring two Matt Murdocks were.

The second Matt mumbled under his breath. "Ridiculous. Yeah... _that_  wouldbe ridiculous."

Foggy saw a contorted look spread across his real best friend's face and felt his stomach churn. He realized it wasn’t some practical joke and took the glass from Matt. He sat in the small armchair and downed the remaining liquid finished it, before pouring more. “Somebody please explain what the hell is happening.”

He looked at Karen, who shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.

The new Matt decided it was now or never. “Look, I know this is really confusing, and it’s going to take some time to process, but... I’m the same Matt you know and love, just… from the future.”

Present Matt and Foggy spoke in unison.

“The future.”

One voice sounded incredibly excited while the other sounded like it was the most preposterous thing he’d ever heard.

“Three years from now to be exact.”

"Holy shit.” Foggy's eyes grew wide and he took another gulp of his beverage. 

“I'm surprised you didn't figure it out.” Future Matt said to his other self.

Matt threw his hands in the air and responded angrily. "Are you serious? Guessing that would be like—" 

" _Guessing one of your best friends moonlighted as a ninja vigilante_?" Karen chimed in, looking at the man she thought she knew. Future Matt laughed while the other Matt turned his head toward her sadly before before covering his forehead with his hand.

Foggy wasn’t ready to move on from the fact that his friend had traveled from the future. "How is this even possible?"

"You live in a world where aliens rained down from the sky like hail. You really didn't think that time travel was possible?" Future Matt asked honestly.

"Not really, no," Matt responded.

"You're so focused on your 10 blocks of Manhattan, taking out crime lords and petty thieves. There are people in this very city who are traveling across astral planes."

Matt knew that there were unexplained phenomena in New York, and yes, he had been fixated on a smaller area of the city. But he knew that street-level heroes were incredibly necessary in order to prevent the city from crumbling from the inside-out. Besides, he didn't _have_ superpowers. That's what the Avengers were for. 

"And what interest do you have in me?" Came a much more subdued Karen.

He turned toward her. "I have a _great deal_ of interest in you, beautiful."

"What does that mean?" she asked him. 

Future Matt crossed the room and smiled lovingly at her. "It means that you and I are meant to be together. And that you make me happier than any other person on this planet."

Foggy giggled, but Matt's response was quite the opposite. "We aren't even dating!" he said angrily. He cringed at how childish he sounded. He knew that it was actually good news; he’d been headed that direction that very day. But he didn't trust his ‘future’ self, not yet, and he didn't want him to have a hold over Karen when he could have ulterior motives. Especially if those motives could somehow quash the small chance he had with her.  
  
Future Matt waved him off. "You'll realize you belong together, you idiot. And then you'll screw it all up." He smiled as he stroked her face. She didn't put up any resistance, straightening up for a moment and then feeling giddy at his touch. "Sorry about him, darling."

"Hey!" Matt said, knowing how obvious it was that his outburst was out of jealousy and not even caring. He didn’t like being called an idiot and he especially disliked witnessing someone else having an effect on the woman he had feelings for. Even that person was... him.

Karen looked at Future Matt's other hand, which had migrated down to her her waist. “So, to be clear, _you_ are the one who kissed me as Daredevil. Not the Matt _I_ know?"

"Yes, that was me, darling. And I'm sorry about that. I didn’t expect to run into you and I couldn't help myself." He moved his hand to her cheek and she looked dazed as he tilted his forehead against hers. "And just so you know, _that kiss_? That's not the only thing we're good at."

She bit her lip before remembering he wasn't just there to hit on her. "This is... a lot.” She shook him off and took another gulp of her drink. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that _you're_ Daredevil,” she said to her Matt. “But this..." 

"Karen, I'm sorry. I was trying to figure out how to tell you." Present Matt said. 

"Tonight? What about before future-you _kissed me_ , Matt?" His eyes narrowed and his lips lowered into a sad smile. 

Future Matt continued, “I tell you eventually, sweetheart. And it doesn't go very well.

"And _this_ is better?" Present Matt asked angrily. 

"It is. I'm doing what you won't have the courage to do for another ninemonths. Not until after you break her heart."

Matt felt a stabbing pain in his chest, and his hand rose to the spot where the phantom pain occurred. Hearing he broke her heart was a little much.  

Karen felt the urge to vomit and decided the conversation was only making things worse. "Nine months? I— I need some air." She walked to the staircase and went to the roof, as the wind blew the door closed behind her.

What are you even here for?" Matt asked his future self. He realized he had a very time-sensitive fire to put out and his patience was wearing thin.

"I'm here to take care of a few things. But don’t worry, soon you'll appreciate my presence instead of just resenting it." 

"What things are you here to fix?” Foggy asked him.

"A lot is about to happen to the three of you. From the Punisher to the Hand—”

“The Punisher?" Foggy sounded more amused than worried.

"He's a vigilante in the making, but he goes more for murderous revenge.” He turned to Matt, “And you'll eventually dislike him, like you should." He rubbed his chin at the thought of the man who had made his life hell a few years back. "Maybe I should call him when he gets back, actually. _He'll_ help me take care of business."  
  
“Why don’t you like him?“ Foggy asked. “Because he kills people?”

"That’s definitely a con, but the real reason you end up resenting him is that he steals her heart away from you for a while. He's smarter than us, and he realizes how special she is."

“I already know that she’s special,” Matt argued. “And you make less sense every time you speak. You're telling me that Karen starts dating a murderous vigilante?"

"I wouldn't call it _dating_ , necessarily. But she has a type. It's time for you to learn that you aren't the only one who is complicated, Matt. Karen has secrets too. You are more understanding of them, but that's after you lie to her for a while. I don't know if this will change things, but I'm hopeful."

"Why should I believe you?" Matt asked his future self. “You just show up here and throw a wrench in my life and I’m supposed to assume you have good intentions?”

"You should believe me because I'm the Matt Murdock who's learned from my mistakes—and you're about to make a bunch. This might be a way to prevent us from a really dark period during which we lose everything"

“So that's why you're here?” Foggy asked. “To stop him from doing something that’ll ruin your life?"

"No, Fog,” Future Matt smiled. “I learned to live with my mistakes and somehow came out on the other side of it all. I guess if we could fix a few things, it'd really help, though. The reason I'm really here to prevent the worst moment of our lives from happening."

Matt was at the end of his rope. "Please, be  _more_ vague." 

"I don't know the best way to break this to you guys, so I guess I'll just rip off the band-aid.” He sighed and his face went from cocky to somber. “I'm here because no matter how hard you try to prevent it from happening in the future, Karen Page dies."

 


	3. Where It All Went Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen gets some fresh air and Matt checks to make sure she's alright. 
> 
> Future Matt fills the group in on the next few months and another major secret is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't look at this chapter anymore, so if there is any continuity or over-explanation, please, PLEASE let me know. 
> 
> I'll give you my password and YOU can fix this aggravating chapter, k ;)  
> (but really, let me know and I'll fix it.)
> 
> Hope everything makes sense!

Karen chuckled as thunder sounded the moment the door closed behind her. It was like the sky had opened up over Hell’s Kitchen as the rain poured from the dark clouds, ricocheting off the rooftop and drenching her immediately. 

 _This is a perfect representation of the day you’re having_ , she thought, and she couldn't help but smile. At least God had a sense of humor. Or maybe she was supposed to feel the weight of it all. She wasn't quite sure what the message was just yet.

_Matt is Daredevil._

She still didn't know how one person could have enough energy to lead a double life. It sure did explain his inability to show up to work on time and the frequency with which he called out from coming in at all. He also fell asleep at his desk more times than she could count. And she'd started to notice that he bled through his clothing. He had gotten less careful these days. 

_How did you miss him being Daredevil again, Page?_

She laughed at how ridiculous it was. But right now that didn’t matter. Because somehow there were two of him downstairs and that took precedence over his moonlighting as a vigilante. And on top of all of that, Future Matt was in love with her and was literally in her face with the fact that they were going to end up together. She wondered if her self-sabotaging best friend would make an excuse to bow out of that situation. Man, Nelson and Murdock was a clusterfuck of a company if she did say so herself.

She heard the door open and didn't turn around, not knowing which Matt was coming up to talk to her and not really caring. His nervous voice gave him away.

"Hey," he said timidly as he put his arms on the brick right next to her.

"Hey." She was already willing to admit that this was the most awkward moment she'd ever experienced with her boss. And that was saying something.

“You’d rather stand here in the pouring rain than deal with two Matt Murdocks?” She sighed and chuckled, giving him the smallest flicker of hope that maybe he had a chance to make things right. “I get it. That guy is annoying.”

Karen smiled and her calmness made him lose his confidence. “I don't mind the rain that much. Do you?”

He shook his head no. She reached out and gently touched a bruise on the side of his jaw, cringing at the fact that she hadn’t noticed it earlier that day. These days, a black and blue Matt Murdock was completely normal. She hated that she had missed that.

"I'm so sorry, Karen."

She placed her hand on her forehead in shame. "You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Matt. I feel terrible for what I said back there.”

Her kind words caught him by surprise. “What do you mean? You didn’t do anything…”

His ability to take on all blame was impressive. “You saved my life. That’s not something anyone should take lightly. You also gave me a job, and you’re my friend. Of course, everything’s alright. It's just-- I can't believe this is happening."

Matt couldn't believe how understanding she was. No wonder his future self-fell in love with her.

"I wanted to tell you, Karen… I really did. It's just that I-- I’ve had a hard time figuring out the best way to go about it. It didn’t go well with Foggy when I told him. And that’s not saying anything against him or you, but… I didn’t want to lose you.”

Karen reached over and found his hand, squeezing it and removing all of his doubts. “You aren’t going to lose me, Matt. Not ever. I promise.”

He felt a surge in his stomach over everything he’d just heard just moments before, and he squeezed his hands into fists at the thought that any harm could come to Karen Page. She pulled away from him which reminded him that she was still there, and he tried to lighten the mood as quickly as possible.

“Thank you, Karen. You deserve more than this, and I’ll do everything I can to earn your trust back, I promise.”

She didn’t have the time to tell him that she still trusted him, and she figured he wouldn't believe it anyway. She had seen first-hand how important Daredevil was to the city, and she never forgot the moment he saved her life. She promised herself that she'd find a way to prove that to him when the time was right.

He continued, “I know you probably have a lot of questions, Karen, namely how I can do this without my sight--” He took a beat and tried to remember how he had planned to explain it to her just an hour before. “Basically what it comes down to is, the accident that took my sight also gave me enhanced senses.”

“Enhanced senses?”

“Yeah. I am still blind, but all of my other senses compensate for it in ways you can’t imagine.”

She thought about what that could mean. “So, what… You know when I'm standing right next to you? Or reaching out to touch you?” She reached one hand toward his shoulder and the other toward the hand that was hanging at his side and he grabbed them both quickly, rubbing her palms with his fingers. She looked down at his hands as they held hers and took a deep breath.

"...And I know that you are biting your lip right now. Your heart rate is elevated which tells me that you’re nervous, and your breathing pattern is slightly off. You’ve been holding your breath ever since I started this sentence."

"Jesus."

Matt smiled sadly, releasing her hands and sticking one hand in his pocket to fidget with his glasses. “You can ask me anything, and I promise to tell you the truth, Karen."

“Right now, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I’m more confused about how he can even be _here._ ”

"I still don’t know the answer to that. And I’m not sure if we can trust him, Karen. But I'm glad you know now. I've always hated keeping it from you."

Karen looked out over the city and nervously tapped her fingers on the brick. "He says we get together, Matt." His future self’s ability to take her to a whole level of nervous scared the shit out of her. She knew Matt had a hold on her, but his unapologetic flirting was especially confusing to the woman who didn't think he was interested in her.

"I know. I haven't asked him for the details."

She pushed her wet hair behind one ear and tried to suss out how he was feeling about that. Then again, she didn’t know if she wanted the truth about how he really felt about everything.

"Do you believe what he said?"

"That moments with you are the happiest of my life?"

He smiled as she stuttered over her next sentence. "Um, no--  I mean. Sure... What I meant was… Do you really think that--" She took a big breath and tried to keep it together. "Do you really believe that anything ever _happens_ between the two of us."

He listened to a raindrop fall through the air and drip slowly down her skin, and it was like time stood still. Her breaths were shallow as he ran his finger up the length of her arm and rested it on her shoulder before moving his hand to the side of her face and caressing her jaw. He was incredibly calm, but she was a ball of nerves, trembling at the feel of his hand on her face and knowing that the moment she’d always wanted was closer than ever.

"Of course I do."

His words hung in the air for just a moment, and she smiled just before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She melted against him as his hands moved over her face and through her wet hair, and warmth spread through her entire body despite the fact that she was completely soaked.

Their foreheads touched as their lips unlocked. He wasn’t ready to pull away from her. Not yet. Nothing else mattered just then, and nothing could ruin the moment for him. Not even the fate of his world. 

She tried to get a read on how he was feeling as the rain came down harder. It felt like everything had shifted and she didn't know who she was anymore.

But she knew then that things were going to change. 

He just smiled.

*****

 

Karen opened the door to Matt’s apartment and heard loud laughter coming from the living room. Foggy was sitting in an armchair curled up into a ball and giggling as Future Matt turned bright red and shook his head.

“What’s so funny?” Matt asked, making his way down the steps and sitting on the other side of the couch. Karen sat between both Matts and looked at either side of her in wonder. Her mood quickly shifted from amused to worried the moment she saw a long scar on the right side of Future Matt’s face. She reached out and touched it, running three fingers over the discolored area that ran under his hairline off his cheekbone to the side of his neck. Her Matt definitely didn’t have a scar like that.

Future Matt touched her hand and gave Karen a half-smile, holding it in his as her Matt glared at him and an oblivious Foggy explained why they were laughing.  

"We were talking about that time you got locked out of our dorm room in only your towel."

Future Matt broke away from Karen’s gaze and looked to Foggy. “I got _locked out_ because _someone_ said he'd be around for the next hour and disappeared in the 20 minutes it took for me to shower."

Foggy looked like he was proud of himself. "I got thank you notes from _several_ girls from our floor that week. And a date or two, which was surprising?" Karen joined in his laughter as both Matt’s looked mildly annoyed but mostly amused. Foggy was practically bouncing out of his seat. He looked to his younger best friend. "He checks out, by the way. And your life gets crazy. You become an Avenger, Matt. An _Avenger_!"

Matt stopped looking toward Karen, who was still having a hard time with seeing two Matts at once, one of which hadn’t let go of her hand. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Don’t worry, I stay humble." Future Matt said sarcastically.  

Foggy was giddy. "Who even _is_ this guy?"

His sarcastic self was having the opposite effect on him. “Am I this aggravating now? You can tell me.” Matt asked Karen.

Future Matt smiled as Foggy ignored his comment. “I can’t believe my best friend is an _Avenger_!” He shook his head in disbelief. He was already imagining drinking beers with Captain America and Black Widow.

"As ridiculous as _that_ sounds, I'm more interested in knowing what you are planning on doing while you’re here,” Matt said, crushing his best friend’s fantasy by bringing him back into reality.

*****

Future Matt had the attention of everyone in the room. Even Foggy let go of his dreams of visiting Avengers Tower in order to hear how they were going to prevent the worst from happening to Karen.

“Look, a lot happens in the next few years, but the reason I’m here is that the next few months are very important.”

No one protested, so he continued.

“In just a few months, Karen and I start dating and I systematically ruin everything in my life. The Punisher shows up and starts offing the Kitchen Irish, the Mexican Cartel, the Dogs of Hell, The DA.”

“The DA?” Foggy asked in bewilderment.

Future Matt took a beat to think. “No, wait… Actually, _that_ wasn't him. But you take a bullet for that one, buddy.”

"I _what_?" He said astounded.

"Who is _the Punisher_?" Karen asked.

"Sorry, love, I guess you missed that part. The Punisher is a new vigilante who goes on a rampage— killing all the people involved in the deaths of his wife and two kids."

"They killed his family?” Her voice broke. “That's awful!" She covered her mouth in shock.

"See?" Future Matt said to Matt and Foggy.

Karen looked at Foggy completely puzzled by what that meant.

“Once the Punisher was arrested, we went on to represent him--”

“What about me getting _shot?”_ Foggy interjected, not ready to move on.

“You take a bullet to the shoulder. The three of us were in the DA’s office after the Punisher escaped from prison and they opened fire on the whole room. She died, but we made it out alive.” Karen gasped at this piece of information and Future Matt paused to look toward her. “I promise I’m not this heartless, baby, but this happened years ago and it really is a long story.”

He took a breath and continued. “What was I saying again? Oh, before the DA died, she made our life hell for representing the Punisher—because she was involved in the coverup of the Castle family murders. A lot happens between then and the shooting, including my staying out all night to fight the Hand, causing me to miss the very opening remarks that _I_ was supposed to deliver.” He looked to Foggy. “You save the day, buddy."

"I would never do that." Matt said in embarrassment. He ignored all of the other details and stuck with the character assassination.

Future Matt was surprised at his past self’s arrogance. "You would. And you did."

"Why would I be that stupid?" Matt said angrily. It was true, Daredevil had gotten between him and his job, but never when he had court. He couldn’t imagine his nightly activities preventing him from delivering the opening statement to what sounded like the biggest trial of his career.

"Elektra." Future Matt dropped the name and it was like a bomb had gone off.

"Elektra?" Foggy and Matt said in shocked unison.

“She comes back and I find out that she was trained by Stick too.”

Karen couldn’t let that one go. "Wait, is Stick a _person_? And who the hell is Elektra?”

Foggy took over. "Elektra is bad news. She helped Matt almost fail out of law school, and she's crazy."

"She's not crazy, Foggy." Matt said. He certainly didn’t like her very much after she left him because he wouldn’t kill the man responsible for his father’s death, but “crazy” wasn’t the right word for describing his ex-girlfriend.

"Yes, she is," Foggy said in annoyance.

Future Matt continued. “I found out that Stick recruited her as a child to be a part of the Chaste, another ancient organization, only they fight the Hand. He raised her for some time and, it turns out, she was a weapon called the Black Sky.”

This was too much for Matt. “Wait, _she’s_ the Black Sky? And he _knew_ that and let her live?” Karen and Foggy looked at both Matts in complete confusion, but they kept their mouths shut as the tension rose.

“He _raised_ her, Matt. I know it doesn’t make sense, but--” he raised his voice in anger, “when did that man _ever_ make sense?!?”

Matt shook his head sadly. It had been months since he’d seen his former sensei, and that did not go well. To think that Elektra had lied to him… that she was just like the man he’d told himself never to trust again…

“I’m sorry, Matt, but he was an asshole. You know that. And he planted Elektra in our life so that she could pull us away from law school and fulfill his wishes.”

Matt clutched his fists and his knuckles turned white. Karen saw the pain on his face and tried the first thing that came to her mind in hopes that he’d calm down. She reached over to grab his hand and he loosened up immediately, smiling at her as Future Matt continued. “She walked away because she didn’t want to do that anymore, Matt. And when she came back, he followed. Eventually, she left Stick to fight the Hand with me, but she ended up sacrificing herself to save me from Nobu’s sword.”

"Whoa," Foggy said. "Maybe I was wrong about her."

Matt shook his head with tears in his eyes. None of it seemed real. How could the woman he’d tried to block out of his mind for years come back? How could she break his heart and then sacrifice herself for him? And why did he derail his entire life to fight a mythological group of ninjas? Could he really change _that much_ in just a few months?

“We sever our partnership after everything, Foggy, and you go to work at a big law firm representing more vigilantes. Karen broke up with me and started working for _the Bulletin_ , and you…” He looked toward his younger self. “Well, you climb into a hole after everything is over."

Matt shook his head quizzically. His future self missed one major plot hole in his narrative. "Nobu is dead."

"That's the thing about the Hand, they have a way of bringing people back from the dead.” Foggy and Karen both looked at him like he was crazy.

"And Elektra dies?" Matt said sadly. “Saving _me_?”

"She does. But they bring her back to life later and she becomes the weapon they were trying to create. I almost died during that ordeal.  It the takeaway is that we stop the Hand from destroying New York."

"We?" Karen asked. “You almost die?”

“The Avengers?!?” Foggy said excitedly.

Future Matt opened his mouth to speak, but he realized how dry it was from talking for so long. “Can someone get me a drink? This is taking a lot longer than I thought it would.”

Karen was in a haze. She nodded her head dreamily and started to get off of the couch, but Future Matt grabbed her hand and held on to it. "Not you, love. You stay right here." He rubbed her hand with his fingers. Matt didn’t even hear him ask for anything. He was hunched over and rubbing his temples.

"I guess that leaves it to me," Foggy said, getting up.

"The Avengers don’t come until later, Foggy.”

“If we're potentially going to change all of this, why are you telling her about all the things I did wrong?” Matt said annoyed.

“I'm not telling you this for _her_ benefit. Thanks, Foggy” He said taking a gulp of the drink that was placed in his hand. “I'm telling you for _your_ benefit. You lose sight of what really matters for a while, and they're right in this room. There are always problems in Hell's Kitchen. And the Hand are a terrible force that need to be dealt with, but what you do is so incredibly stupid… I really believe you can save New York without destroying every relationship that matters.”

“So why now? Is it because I need to focus on the firm and not the Hand?” Matt asked.

“No. The next few months are so important because, with all of our personal and professional vigilante drama, we forgot about Fisk.”

Karen’s heart started racing. She tried to hide the fact that she was legitimately scared.

"Fisk?" Her chest tightened and she couldn’t remember how to breathe.

Future Matt turned to her and placed his hand on her cheek. "Yes, baby. Fisk. We were so focused on the firm and the Punisher, and Elektra and the Hand that we... stopped paying attention. And Fisk was able to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.”

“The pieces of what puzzle?” Foggy asked.

She shook her head as her eyes welled with tears.

"You mean that Karen and Ben went to his mother's care facility?” Matt asked him nervously. He’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop, but they had lucked out… until now, apparently.

"That's part of it."

“Why isn't Fisk letting this go? I understand this situation is serious, but he's in prison. Why is this even a priority to him?” Foggy asked.

"You want me to tell him?" Future Matt asked her.

Karen got up and poured another drink as all three of the men waited for her with worried looks on their faces.  

"What is it, Karen?" There was a desperation in Matt’s voice that scared the hell out of her. She felt frozen in a moment she’d dreaded for months.

"When did I tell you?" she asked Future Matt.

"A year or so later. But you can tell them, love. I really think it’ll be alright."

Her hands shook, and the liquid spilled over the side before she set her glass back on the bar top. She knew it was too late to back out of giving them an explanation, but she didn’t care. Somehow in the span of an hour, she had even more to lose. "You keep acting like _he's_ the one who is going to screw everything up between us. Don’t you think this will have consequences? There are no promises that he'll want to be with me after hearing about this."

"Karen, talk to _me_." Matt pleaded.

She looked back to Future Matt and wiped away her tears. He smiled at her sadly. "I know what you're thinking, and I promise I've thought about this. I have never blamed you. He won't either."

"Blamed you for what, Karen?" Foggy asked this time.

She took a breath and wiped her nose haphazardly as she sniffled.

"For killing James Wesley."


	4. A Man, A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen tells her friends one of her darkest secrets. They discuss the plan to stop Fisk.

This time it was Matt who poured himself a drink. 

The moment Karen finished telling him and Foggy what happened, he got up without saying anything and went to his bar. He poured a new glass and downed it without turning back, setting it down as his hands shook.

Foggy’s heart broke as he watched Karen suffer in silence. She stared forward looking like she could burst into tears at any second. Future Matt rubbed her shoulder as his younger self took a deep breath, leaving the glass on the bar and walking back to Karen, who wiped her tears away quickly. He fell on his knees in front of her, taking her hand in his as she looked down at him nervously. 

“Karen, I..." he shook his head sadly and cupped her face in one hand. He looked conflicted as he tried to find the right words to say. “Are you ok?” 

It was not the response she expected to get. 

“Am  _I_ ok?” She sniffled “What about you two?”

“What  _about_  us?” Foggy asked. He didn’t understand her thought process or why she would worry about them.

Matt looked more confused than anything. "You’re telling me that we both weren't there for you and you were almost murdered?” He asked. "And you're asking if  _we're_ _ok?"_

She lifted her right hand to her mouth and sniffled. "It's not your fault, guys. You were fighting with each other, and you may not have noticed, but... They were always going to find me."

Matt shook his head and squeezed her hand in his. "I'm so sorry, Karen."

“Me too,” Foggy added. Matt moved up to the couch, turning his knees toward Karen as he continued to hold her hand. 

"See Matt? You aren't the only one with life or death problems. Took you a long time to figure it out too." Future Matt said harshly. Matt knew he couldn't argue with that. Of all the mistakes that he'd been told he'd made throughout the night, this was something he could actually blame himself for. He promised to protect her and he didn't. 

But that didn't mean he was happy with his future self's bluntness. "How is this helping?" 

"I know how angry you are at yourself right now. She can know too." If there was one thing Matt Murdock was learning about himself in the future, it's that he was honest about his own faults. And he didn't respect the decisions he made in his past. Matt was a reminder of everything he did wrong or was about to do wrong, and he didn't feel the need to soften the truth.  

Karen looked down at the hand that gripped hers tightly. It was incredibly surreal. She felt like she was outside of her own world looking in. Foggy looked distraught, and for once he didn't have a smile or joke to make her feel better. He didn't feel like he had any control over the situation whatsoever. 

“I told you, Karen. They don’t blame you for anything.” Future Matt smiled at her and she sighed in relief for the first time that entire night. 

Matt looked completely puzzled. “Why would we blame  _you_?”

Karen was at a loss for words. "I—" she didn't know why she had held her secret in for so long. She'd assumed for months that her friends would fault her for the darkest moment in her life and thought that she would find herself alone if they ever found out. They had been through a lot in their time together, and she had obviously misjudged how much they cared for her. She blinked away tears and spoke to Future Matt. “So is that the reason you’re here? Because he figures it out and comes after me?”

“Yes. Unfortunately, he finds out and he makes your life hell. He goes after your job, your relationships, your reputation—”

“You don’t need to scare her!” Matt said angrily.

Karen was confused. “Why would you come back over  _that_? Why would anyone think saving my reputation was important enough to send someone back in time?”

Future Matt tried to seem unconcerned. “I’m here on assignment, Karen. I was going to give up being Daredevil so that we could start over, but Nick Fury found a way to help us while I help him.”

“Help him what?” Foggy asked.

“I can’t really divulge that information, Foggy. Sorry.”

Matt didn’t care about any side plans; his only concern was saving Karen. “And you think there’s something we can do to fix this?”

“I have a plan. I figure we can talk about it tomorrow when the three of you have some time in your schedules.”

“We should deal with this right now,” Matt said heatedly. “How do you know if we even have enough time?”

Future Matt lost his cool for the second time of the night. “I didn’t go back three years in time to half-ass this, _Matt_.”

Karen could no longer summon the energy to look at the men who argued on either side of her, instead focusing on Foggy whose head darted back and forth to each Matt as he spoke. Foggy knew that Matt Murdock was a fierce debater. Seeing him argue with himself was a moment he never thought he'd be lucky enough to experience. 

“How can we trust that you thought this out enough?” Their Matt asked.

“She is my number one priority. I don’t know why you’re being so combative.”

“Says the guy who has been bad-mouthing me to her this entire time,” Matt said angrily.

“ _Someone_ has to get it through your thick skull-”

Karen couldn’t take it anymore. She got up and surprised the whole room, walking toward the entrance to the hallway.

Foggy reached up and grabbed her hand to stop her. "Please don’t go, Karen,” he pleaded. He raised his voice to emphasize what really mattered to the men who had just been arguing, “ _We’re all_ really worried about you.” He glared at both Matts for not being able to keep their shit together.

She looked down at him and shook her head. “I need to go home, Foggy. I can't talk about this anymore.”

Both Matts jumped up and spoke at the same time. "I'll walk you."

She shook her head. "It's fine, Matt and... other Matt. Oh my God how is this happening?" _Maybe this is just a dream_ , she thought. She was starting to feel dizzy.

Future Matt grabbed her purse from the floor and walked it over to her. "How about I come to stay with you? We can talk." His voice was far more hopeful than the other two men who worried about the state of their friend. He smiled at her and she tilted her head in thought before remembering the situation.  

"That is definitely a bad idea,” she said. “I don't know if I trust you just yet…”

He touched her face. “You probably shouldn't, but not for the same reasons you’re thinking…”

She smiled like a fool and shook it off. This version of Matt who hit on her constantly gave her feelings she wasn’t able to process with everything else that was going on. “I am pretty sure I don’t trust you in _exactly_ the ways you’re thinking.”

He chuckled. “What if I promise to be good? I’ll sleep on the couch…”

“Yeah… No…” She said. It was a weak answer, but it was all she could muster when any version of Matt Murdock was hitting on her.

He wasn’t ready to give up, so he piled on the charm. " _What if it was for your protection_?"

Karen was skeptical. “You said I was safe for almost three years…”

He pasted a grin that was a mixture of unsure and cocky. “But I may have changed all that just by being here.”

She looked at Matt who stood next to Foggy and glared toward his future self. "Is he lying?"

" _Yes_." Matt said undoubtedly.

She shook her head. “If you guys don’t mind, I think I need to be alone right now. “ Karen rubbed her temples and grabbed her purse from Future Matt's hand, leaving the three men behind.

He took a breath and sat back on the couch next to his younger self, who listened to her as she exited the building and slipped inside a cab. The rain had let up, and Foggy noticed that the moment she left he seemed to almost unravel. But he had to point out the obvious. “You realize that you're kinda stealing his girl here, right? How are they ever going to get to the place you were at if she likes you better than him?”

His Matt scoffed. “Thanks, Foggy.”

Future Matt nodded. “You’re right.”

“Great,” Matt said sarcastically. “And _why_ aren’t you telling her the truth?”

Future Matt did his best to make his past self understand why he would lie to Karen when the stakes were so high. “Because I don’t want her to be scared. She's been through enough already, and she doesn't need to imagine all the terrible ways he could have gone through with... I’d really appreciate it you guys didn’t tell her how dire the situation is.” 

“I’m with him on this, Matt.” Foggy said. “And if we could mention it less around me, that’d be great. Because I feel like throwing up.”

Matt agreed with his future self for the first time. “I guess you’re right. But she’s really good at connecting the dots. I don’t know if she bought that.”

“I’m going to hope she did.” Future Matt said as he stood up. “And on that note, I'm going to take off. I'll meet you guys at the office in the morning.”

“What? Where are you going to go?" Foggy asked. "She said she wanted to be alone—” 

“I'll be good and leave her alone, Fog, but I'm going to sleep on her roof. I can't be this far away from her heartbeat. Not this soon after seeing her again.” He grabbed a backpack out of Matt’s closet. “Why don’t you go out and get some of that aggression on some criminals? You’re already wound up like a ball and we both know that if you don't get your fix, you start to lose your edge a little."

"That's not how it works." Matt told his future self. 

"You think _I'm_ aggravating? You're actually lying to yourself about lying to yourself."

Matt sighed angrily, but the other Matt ignored him. He walked into his bedroom and the men could hear him opening and closing drawers as he grabbed a change of clothes. He walked back into the living room and Foggy and Matt stopped in the middle of a conversation about stopping him.

“You guys aren’t going to convince me to stay, okay? I'm trying my best here, and I know it seems like I’m more of a hindrance to you right now, but you don't understand." His voice turned whispy. "Today, I forgot for a minute. I didn’t used to have to be careful around her because she had been mine for…” he sniffled as his eyes filled with tears. “I have been living without her for two months, and a few minutes ago, she was standing right in front of me and it was like it'd never happened.”

The tears started to flow freely and Foggy and Matt were both on the verge of crying themselves.

"Two weeks ago, I was going to take a bite of a bullet because I couldn’t stand one more minute without her. I can still feel her lifeless body in my arms, and it’s difficult enough without…” He zipped the bag closed and put it on his shoulder. “I can barely be two feet away from her, let alone eight blocks.”

*****

Karen walked into the office and found Matt and Foggy standing at her desk like they were trying to be inconspicuous. She shook her head and smiled as she sat her purse down. “I promise I'm fine guys. But can we please talk about this after I’ve had some coffee?”

“Sure,” they said in unison. They went into Foggy’s office as she headed to the kitchen and she sighed as she heard them whispering.

Her body stiffened as entered the kitchen and saw Future Matt holding a cup of coffee for her. She didn't imagine she'd ever get used to this second version of him. She sighed and smiled.

“Thank you,” she said, taking the cup from him as he touched her hand. She took a sip and realized that it tasted different. “This is a little sweeter than I usually take it.” He had added the right amount of cream, but there was definitely a little more sugar than she usually liked.

“Oh, sorry,” she noticed he looked guilty for his mistake; like he was worrying that she might think he didn't know her as well as he thought. 

“It’s fine," she offered. "It’s just that I don’t usually like sweet.”

He shrugged and smiled. “You do when you’re older.” 

She chuckled. “I change that much in three years? And is that... _vanilla_ I’m tasting?”

“Yeah, you had some in the cupboard," he said quickly. "You don’t like it?”

She thought about it and nodded. “I do. I don’t know why we’d have vanilla in here, though.” She set the cup down and looked at the expiration date and laughed. “We _definitely_ didn’t buy this.”

He smiled as she handed the vial to him and he felt the faded expiration date, which had been indented into the label. “Three years past the expiration date is nothing. Now you can say you live dangerously.”

She smiled as he tossed it into the garbage and took the cup to dump it out in the sink. “Sorry, I thought it was yours. I guess you started doing that _after_ we started dating.”

“It’s fine, Matt.” He poured her a new cup and grabbed the cream from the fridge, and she hopped on the counter as he added it to her cup. “So does this mean I start eating tons of candy too? Once I become a sweet tooth?”

“More like tons of fruit.” He tilted his head as the memory of his Karen Page entered his mind. 

“I can live with that.”

He grabbed a new packet from the sugar basket. “How much?”

“Half a packet.” She took the packet from him and shook the crystals to the bottom, using two fingers to withhold part of the sugar as she poured it into her cup. Then she folded the packet and put it back into the basket.

“I forgot that you used to have little half-packets in the kitchen.”

“I change that much, huh?” He sat the cup on her left side and moved closer to her, causing her to breathe carefully and forget what she'd just asked him.  

“Thinking about the last time we were this close?"

"No," she said, as her hands started to shake. Karen hopped down from the counter and he put his hand on her face. She turned her lips into his palm and moved back so that she faced him.

"He explained my abilities, right? I am basically a human lie detector." He leaned closer and she closed her eyes for a second before realizing what she was doing.

She stepped sideways. "Alright. I'm invoking a five-foot rule.” She looked at his smile and the wrinkles around his eyes. “You stop that right now," she said seriously, realizing how pointless it was to yell at him over something he didn't even know was her weakness. His chuckle told her he knew exactly what she referencing. "You know what, make it seven feet."

She moved her hands in front of her in a sweeping motion. But he caught her forearms and moved in front of her once more. "But then I wouldn't be able to touch you..." He loosened his grip and trailed his hands up her arms until his fingers found hers. She looked at her hands and realized she was losing ground.

"That's— That's the point." It was a half-hearted answer, but it was all she had in her at the moment.

Her breaths were short and her skin started to become moist.

"I _know_ you, honey. And this is how you get when you want me to do _more_ , not less." She bit her lip and blinked as she felt a shiver go up her spine, shuttering before finally shaking his hands off of her and stepping away. She felt herself overcome with a desperate anger at the potential of losing something she didn’t even have quite yet.

"You can't do that, Matt! Don’t you realize that you might be destroying what little feelings he has for me at this point? Don’t you care about that? Doesn’t that throw a wrench into your big plan?”

Future Matt chuckled at the slim likelihood of that happening. “Let him get upset. I don't like this angsty version of me anyway. And I really don’t think you have anything to be worried about.”

"And yet, I am. Matt and I haven't even gone on a date. That and the fact that he knows I unloaded a gun on a man… I'm really worried you _and I_ are going to screw up any chance of things progressing..." she couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. One minute she was his secretary, a few hours later she was the future love of his life and they were suddenly kissing.

"A few things. One, you did _nothing_ wrong. I never blamed you for a thing and you shouldn’t either. Two, you couldn’t do anything to push him away. The person we should worry about screwing things up is _him_. And three, I'm sorry if I've been coming on too strong, honey.” He paused and corrected himself. “Karen. The thing is, this is how it is whenever we're around each other, and I keep forgetting that you aren’t used to it. It’s been a long time since seducing you was off the table, so I’m sorry. I really mean that. I won't make you uncomfortable anymore."

"Not _uncomfortable_ , just..."

"Don't worry about it, darling. You’re right, I was out of line. But will you please stop thinking you're the only one in the game? He likes you more than you think. His feelings get stronger with each passing day. And he knows it too. He's known for a while."

"A while?" This was news to her.

“Since my birthday. You invited me over after you made me strawberry cheesecake because you knew how much I loved it. And I could tell that you had made it at least 5 times before you were ok with your attempt."

"That's because I burned the crust every time, and—“ she paused with her mouth hanging open. “That is so embarrassing. _He knows that_?"

"Yes. And I lied to myself about my feelings for you and then waited _ten_ months from that day before I kissed you. Because that man out there is an idiot.”

*****

Nelson & Murdock’s new visitor didn’t change things. They had appointments booked for the next hour and a half, and that meant that he had to hide out while they did some actual work. He slipped out before their first appointment, without giving anyone a chance to question where he went.

Karen visited the real Matt in his office with files for each of his appointments.

“Hey,” he said, and unable to keep himself from breaking into a smile.

“Hey,” she looked down at the file in her hand as she cleared her throat. “So, you’ve got Mr. and Mrs. Bartlett in five minutes over their unfair eviction, followed by Grant Construction, followed by—” she looked up and saw that he was still smiling at her.

“Did you hear anything I just said?” she laughed.

“Of course. Bartlett Construction-”

“ _Grant_ Construction-”

“That’s what I said.” She had to cover her mouth to stifle a giggle.

He nodded quickly. “That’s what I meant. I’m really worried about that one.”

“You are, are you?”

“Of course, Ms. Page. I am nothing if not professional. When I’m at work I am _only_ thinking about _work._ ” She turned bright red. He had gone from his usual careful, but kind attitude with her to instantly flirty and she was losing focus. 

“How are _you_ doing today, Ms. Page?”

She loosened her grip on the folder in her hands, which was now imprinted with the shape of her fingers. “I’m good. _Focused_.”

“You emphasized that last word. Any reason you _shouldn’t_ be focused?”

She played it cool. “No not at all. What about you, Mr. Murdock?”

“You could say I’m quite the opposite. You see, I’m having a hard time _working_ when there’s a beautiful woman in my office and all I can think about is what it was like to kiss her.”

“So you’ve just forgotten everything before and after that moment?”

“Did something else happen?” He pulled on the file so that she was standing closer to him.

“Just _time-travel_ , Matt.”

“That’s right! Sorry, it was just a _really_ good kiss.” He rubbed her hand between his fingers.

“I don’t know how I am supposed to keep my composure when both of you are suddenly interested in me.”

His demeanor shifted from flirty to honest. “It wasn’t _sudden_ , Karen.”

Her breathing was shallow. “It-it sure felt sudden…”

“Look, I know this is a lot, and I know this development-“ he pointed his finger from him to her, “is already enough to navigate...” he tried to get a read on her but she was avidly interested in what he had to say. “What I’m saying is... I can tell him to back off and I will too if it’s too much. I'm sorry about all the pressure.”

“Don’t stop— I mean... You don’t have to talk to him, I already did.”

“You did?”

“Yeah— she paused, deciding against telling him the reason, but he noticed.

“What are you hiding, Karen? You know you don’t have to be nervous… it’s just me.”

“I just... I saw what it was doing to you.”

He smiled. He knew it was obvious, and he’d told himself he’d be better about showing his feelings after his funturned self had left the night before. The truth was, he and Karen hadn’t even started dating yet, and that level of jealousy wasn’t attractive to anyone. Even if it was partially due to his distrust of his other self or reasons he couldn’t explain at the time.

“We need to establish some ground rules with that guy anyway. I have this sinking feeling that he’s telling you too much about me.”

“Why would that be so _bad_ , Murdock?”

“Because it’s hard to sweep you off your feet when someone is painting a negative picture of me. Even if he’s telling stories about the boneheaded things I _eventually_ do.”

“Just because _he_ made those mistakes doesn’t mean you’re going to do the same things, Matt. And I don’t think you really have to worry about that anymore. He's moved on from the negative to the positive.”

“Well that’s good at least. Even so—”

“He’s just telling me about things that haven't even happened yet, Matt. It's not the same. Well most of the time he is.” She regretted her words instantly.

"See? There it is. What did he tell you?” He looked more interested than angry, but she didn’t want to see the two of them go at it again.

"Let's not make things weirder.” She said quickly. “I stopped him."

"But he said something?"

“You don't have anything to worry about.”

“C’mon, Page. What was it?”

She cringed at her inability to keep her mouth shut. "He told me that you've known you've had feelings for me since your birthday. And that you just wouldn't admit it to yourself."

***** 

Matt sat at the conference room table nervously running his fingers down his tie as the Foggy and his Future self came in.

“C’mon, just give me one cool story. What’s Captain America like? Or Spider-Man? Give me _anything_!”

“Well, Spider-Man’s a little punk who thinks he’s much more humorous than he actually is…” he smiled lovingly as he thought about his friend, and Foggy got the picture. His best friend had superhero friendships. He hoped it helped with the weight of everything that he took on when he protected the city. “And a lot goes to hell in the superhero community in the next few years, but… there are people we can trust and they’re willing to go to any length to protect Daredevil _and_ Matt Murdock.”

Matt smiled at his future self. He couldn’t imagine working with anyone else, but the fact that he wouldn’t be alone was suddenly uplifting. He didn’t even realize he wanted that until that moment.

Foggy was beaming until a thought popped into his mind that turned his happiness on its head. “Matt, were you really going to _kill yourself_?”

His lip quivered as his future friend smiled sadly. “It got really bad, Foggy. But even with everything you were going through over… you watched me like a hawk. You were the only reason I stuck around. I knew I couldn’t do that to you.”

Foggy nodded with tears in his eyes and hugged him. “Please, no matter what happens… please don’t—“

Karen walked in with four cups of coffee in her hands and Foggy broke apart from Future Matt. He wiped his eyes discreetly, listening to Karen’s heartbeat and relaxing at how normal she seemed. The last thing he wanted was for her to know about what happened to her. And what happened to him because of that.

She handed a cup to Matt, who smiled at her while Foggy and Future Matt sat down and changed the subject to superheroes again. She placed cups in front of Future Matt and Foggy, reaching farther across the table than she wanted and dipping her sleeve into her own coffee. She pulled her dripping arm up.

“Shit,” she said quietly, wrapping her other hand around her wet forearm. Future Matt lost interest in his and Foggy’s conversation and Foggy watched as both men tilted their heads and smiled at Karen, who didn’t even notice as she ran to the bathroom to rinse herself off. She came back and both men were quietly waiting for her while Foggy chuckled and shook his head.

“Why does everyone have a dopey look on their face?” She asked, completely unaware that two of the three were smiling at _her_.

“No reason.” Matt brushed it off and addressed his future self. “So, am I wrong in assuming that you have a plan for all of this?”

“Not at all. Believe me, I didn’t come all this time just wing it.”

“Thank God,” Foggy said.

“It took some time, but I figured out how Fisk learned about what really happened to Wesley.” He took a sip of his coffee and continued. “He lost most of his assets when he went to prison. Leland Owlsley stashed half of his financial holdings as blackmail to stay alive, but he misjudged his business partner and learned that stealing from Wilson Fisk leads to death.” He took another sip. “Oh, _and_ he was the one who attempted to kill Vanessa Marianna—”

“The art dealer?” Foggy asked.

“Yeah, the one I visited a few months ago. Fisk’s girlfriend.” Their Matt said. “I always wondered about Owlsley though.”

“His body will be found soon. After Owlsely and Wesley’s deaths, Fisk didn’t have many friends left—”

He looked to Karen who was staring at her coffee like there was something very interesting at the bottom of her cup. Matt noticed too, reaching over and grabbing her hand and rubbing it gently.

Future Matt smiled as he continued. “—But he still had one of his bodyguards on his payroll. He felt guilty because he nearly beat him to death in an angry outburst over… Well it doesn’t really matter. Either way, this man, whose name is Francis, did some research into Wesley’s last moves before he died.

It was really difficult to track Francis down, but I was able to find his whereabouts. He had a change of heart about giving Fisk the correct information and told me exactly how he found out about Wesley.”

“Was it his mother? Or the nursing home?” Karen asked devoid of any emotion. She’d had a long time to ponder exactly how Fisk might find out about her intrusion into his life.

“Actually it was neither. Fisk and Wesley used a car service to drive them around and—“

Karen cut in. “The cars had GPS.”

“Exactly, beautiful. The GPS led to your apartment complex and he double checked on video surveillance.”

“My apartment is too crappy to have video surveillance,” Karen said skeptically. 

“It was installed after Daniel Fisher was killed.”

She sighed angrily at her luck. “That would have been really helpful _back then_ —”

“So we clear the GPS and get the video footage?” Matt asked his future self.

“Exactly. And to cover all of our bases, we make sure the nursing home doesn’t have any video footage either.”

“And how do we go about doing that?” Foggy asked.

“You’ve heard of Jessica Jones?” The three of them nodded. Jessica Jones was all over the news after she killed Kilgrave. “She’s great with this sort of thing. I was going to convince her to help—“

“Word on the street is Alias Investigations isn’t operating right now.” Foggy said. Marci had been working for Hogarth, Chao and Benowitz for a couple of months and she like to fill him in on vigilante drama in her workplace.

“Leave that to me,” Future Matt said. “She and I are going to go to the nursing home to take care of the footage, but we’ll need a car.”

“I can drive,” Karen said.

“I don’t want you anywhere near that nursing home, love.” Her forehead wrinkled at being shut down, but Future Matt was more focused on giving the rest of the details to his plan. “Jessica and I are also going to handle the rental company. That leaves Karen’s apartment footage. Matt and Foggy, you are going to tell Karen’s manager that a woman was attacked outside the complex and you are trying to sue her attacker. He is a sweet gentleman and he will be more than willing to help. The video files are just stored on his desktop and labeled by date, so Matt, you distract the him while Foggy duplicates one of the earlier ones and deletes the correct date.”

Foggy nodded. “I can do that.” He was happy to be included in the plan, even though it wasn’t nearly as risky as what the other Matt and Jessica were going to do. His Matt generally kept him at an arm's length when dealing with something dangerous, but there was no way he was getting left out of this plan.

“The apartment complex footage won’t even matter once the GPS data is erased,” Future Matt said confidently, “but we’re going to make sure we leave no stone unturned.”

Karen couldn’t bite her tongue any longer. “Where do _I_ fit into all of this?”

Future Matt smiled at her. He knew the woman better than anyone, and he was already preparing for the backlash after cutting her off. “Ok, this one’s going to be a little more difficult—”

Matt cut him off in. “We can handle everything, Karen. I really don’t want Fisk making any connections to you and this cover-up.”

Future Matt pursed his lips into a smirk as he waited for the bomb to go off. “ _But you’re ok with you and_ _Foggy and this Jessica Jones being tied to it?_   _Do you realize how hypocritical that is?”_

Matt sighed. “I’m not saying _that,_ it’s just… The whole point of doing this is to protect _you_ . We’re _happy_ to take care of everything. Right Foggy?”

“Right—”

“So let me get this straight, you guys don’t want anything to happen to me because of a mistake _I_ made. But I’m supposed to be alright with you risking your lives to fix this?”

Foggy jumped in in the hopes that he could help the situation. “ _Karen_ , you can’t be tied to this. You have to understand—”

“I _don’t_ understand, Foggy.” Karen was fuming. “So are you two _done_ trying to convince me? There’s no way in Hell, I—” she sighed angrily as she looked to Future Matt, who was smiling and rubbing the top of his forehead.

Matt and Foggy looked guilty for even attempting to fight a losing battle. Foggy looked to Future Matt, who took a breath and tried once more. “Karen, baby, I know this is hard, and I promise you’re not getting cut out… But for now this is how it has to be.”

She glared at him and shook her head, lowering her voice and speaking in her fakest calm tone. “Tell me, Matt, does your future girlfriend _appreciate_ being told what to do and then _actually_ listen to you? Because I hate to break it to you, but she is probably not the same person as the one you’re speaking with right now.”

Foggy and Matt kept their mouths shut. “You are definitely the same person,” he chuckled. “And like I just said, I have a _more_ difficult job for you to do, love—”

“She shouldn’t be _involved._ ” Matt interjected.

“Can you just shut up for a minute?” His future self asked. He received a glare that rivaled Karen’s but it didn’t seem to stop him. “If it hasn’t already been made clear by this conversation, everyone here can agree that Karen’s safety is of the utmost importance, Matt.”

“Not more important than yours!” She shouted.

He smiled at her and waited for her to listen. It pissed her off even more. She threw her hands into the air angrily. “You’re right, Matt. _Both_ of you are aggravating.”

“I’m sorry, love. What I meant was, to everyone,  _with the exception of yourself_ , Karen is the number one priority, right?” She crossed her arms and scoffed at him. Foggy had never seen anyone that angry before, and he tried to shake away the rather appropriate Looney Tunes image of Yosemite Sam with steam coming from his ears. Future Matt continued. “Gentlemen, that would go _beyond_ her safety, can we all agree about that?”

“Yes,” they said in unison.

“Ok, so the hard part, like I was saying before that 20 minute long conversation happened—”

She glared at him. “This is wonderful. Please keep treating me like a child who doesn’t have any control over her own life.”

“I’m sorry for being patronizing, beautiful. But this is a good thing—” Future Matt said. 

He should have known that was a nonstarter. “ _Oh,_ well if it is a _good thing._ ” Her words dripped with disdain.

He acted like she hadn’t interrupted him. “There is an opening for a part-time researcher at _the Bulletin._ I think you should go over there today and apply.”

“I _have_ a job, _Matt_. Did you forget that in three years? Or in the span of this conversation?”

He didn’t back down. “Like I said, _part-time_. I know this might be difficult for your bosses to understand since you are integral to the functioning of this office, but—”

“No one said that.” Foggy cut in.

“Wow,” Karen said. “I hope that _saving me_ is all you’re hoping for from this scheme, because you’re about to lose a secretary _and_ the only one who puts up with your dumb ‘dad jokes,’ _Foggy_.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, _Karen_!” Foggy said angrily. The conversation was obviously getting to him as well, and he regretted his outburst immediately.

Karen took a breath. “I’m sorry, Foggy.” He nodded sadly.

“ _I’m_ sorry, Karen. I’m not trying to make you feel like you have no control here.” Future Matt smiled at her. “Your lot in life is not to be a secretary. And I know you love helping and they can’t live without you. I know that. But with my return, things may change and you need to get in there now so that your true career path can still happen. You’ll still work here, but you’ll be doing something you love.”

“How do you know so well what I love?” Her tone had shifted from angry to somber. “I love being _here_ too.” Karen couldn’t believe the conversation had shifted from them leaving her out a plan to save her life to somehow having to fight for her own job.

Future Matt nodded. “It’s not even close to how much you love writing, Karen.”

“And that doesn't have _anything_ to do with the plot to stop Fisk from coming after me,” she added.

“This is more important.”

“Matt, you haven’t said anything.” Karen hoped he would be the voice of reason.

“Oh, I think it’s a great idea.”

“Really? You guys can’t afford to hire anyone to pick up the slack and we already have a ton of work to do. What happens if this place blows up?”

“Yeah, that’ll really happen.” Foggy said sarcastically.

“We already _have_ more clients, Foggy. You guys need me.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Matt said. “You deserve better than secretary at a small-time law firm. Do you like the idea of working for _the Bulletin_ , Karen?”

“I mean, _yeah,_  but-”

“You’re underpaid and overworked here, and neither of us wanted that for you,” Matt said.

“Yeah! You could be underpaid and overworked at a newspaper!” Foggy said excitedly.

“What do you think, Karen?” Future Matt asked her.

“I’m not going to quit Nelson & Murdock. I’m still going to go full-time here and make it work with the other job—”

“Good, because we’re going to be a big-time law firm in just a few months!” Foggy joked.

Future Matt wrote an address down and ripped it off of a legal pad. “You remember Mitchell Ellison?”

“The guy we thought was working with Fisk?” She asked incredulously.

“That same one. I made an appointment with his office in an hour. Head over to this address and be prepared to argue your way onto his staff.”

“I don’t argue—” All three of them were smiling at her. “I can’t be around the three of you together. From here on out, if you want to talk to me you can make an appointment with me individually.”

She shoved her chair backward and grabbed the address off the table and left. When she was out of the conference room, Future Matt continued.

“I know it’s going to be hard, but this isn’t sustainable for her.”

Foggy nodded. “So tell us the truth,” he waved to Karen with a smile but she just rolled her eyes at him and grabbed her coat from the coat rack. His face went from happy to serious as the door closed behind her. “Is this firm going to break up like you were saying?”

“No, Foggy. We aren’t—” Matt looked toward his future self, who was nodding sadly. “Wait, _what_?”

Future Matt spoke next. “Look, I know you’re on a different track than the one I was on, but that is kind of something we need to discuss.”

Matt couldn’t believe it. “You seriously want us to—”

“Matt, I know how much this partnership means to you, I do. But you were going to blow it all up anyway.” 

“It’s not fair to assume that I’d make your same mistakes—”

“It’s completely fair to assume that. Listen, this office is about to become extremely busy— I know Foggy, it’s unbelievable— and it’s important that you help the people you’re about to help because they need you, but… You’ll be broke in a few months.”

Matt sighed. “You can’t tell me that… I love working with Foggy. I love doing this kind of work. We can’t just _give up_.”

“You won’t be able to pay the rent, Matt. And Foggy is destined for greater things too.”

“I don’t care about that.” Foggy said.

“You should. You move on to a big firm and you love it. Well, you love _parts_ of it.”

Foggy shook his head. “I’m not leaving Matt. You said everything is going to change. We can work through this.”

“Even if he doesn’t nearly destroy your career, the work you do for Hogarth, Chao and Benowitz is important, Fog. You start to defend vigilantes— which is good for Daredevil, Matt. Especially since one of those vigilantes is Luke Cage.”

“I don’t even know who that is.” Matt said skeptically.

“He is a really good man,” Future Matt said. “Someone _you_ really respect and eventually work with. And he’s going to need Foggy’s help.”

“So this is just over?” Matt said sadly.

”Not quite.” Future Matt sighed. “I know this is hard. I love you like a brother, Foggy. And this partnership was the dream for years. I promise I’m not here to wreck your lives, I’m just trying to make them better.”

“It doesn’t feel like this is making things better.” Foggy said sadly.

“I didn’t say you guys never get the firm back together. You will. It’s just going to be a couple of years later. And Matt, I’m not leaving you out of all of this. You still fight the pro-bono cases. And you do a good job too.”

“Well that’s good, buddy.” Foggy said as optimistically as he could.

  
****


	5. Two Blocks Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen interviews for a job she didn’t know she wanted and has an unexpected lunch date.

“Karen Page for Mitchell Ellison, please.”

Karen didn’t know how she transitioned from “woman with time travel problems” to “interview Karen,” but the quick look she took in her mirror as she brushed off her interview blazer just moments before told her she might just pull it off.

The receptionist smiled at her and gestured to a seat in the lobby of  _the New York Bulletin._ She didn’t know what she was doing there. She hadn’t been within two blocks of the building since Ben, and the memories were already flooding back at an alarming rate.  

She wiped her eye carefully and looked up to see Mitchell Ellison smiling sadly. _Perfect start,_ she thought as she jumped up and shook his hand.

“Hello Ms. Page,” he gestured back to his office and she walked with him.

“Hi Mr. Ellison. Sorry, I… How are you doing?” She cleared her throat in the hopes that she could get her emotions in check before she started speaking again. They made it to his office, which was slightly bigger than she had thought it was. She had only caught glimpses of it through the blinds that covered his and Ben’s shared window.

“I’m doing alright. How about yourself?”

me

He pulled the chair that sat in front of his desk and she sat down as he made his way to his own seat.

“Fine, I guess,” she sighed and decided to go with honesty. “I was only ever here to visit Ben. Knowing he's not in the building is a little painful. ”

His smile was filled with warmth and understanding. “You’re talking to the guy who is reminded daily that his office is right next door. I can’t find it in myself to move someone in there, so it's sat dusty for a few months.”

She nodded and sighed as she looked over her shoulder at the wall.

“So what brings you in here, Ms. Page? If you don’t mind my asking…”

She chuckled as she saw an intrigued smile on Mitchell Ellison's face. “I don’t know, it’s rare that I get to be the mysterious type that just walks into people’s offices without their knowing why. Why do _you_ think I’m here?”

He laughed under his breath as he shook his head. “I get why Ben liked you. You remind me so much of him.”

“Difficult but charismatic?”

“That sounds about right. But I was going more for the fact that he was a pain in the ass too.”

She laughed rather loudly, leaning forward and covering her mouth until she composed herself. “It’s good that you’re already this comfortable with me, Mr. Ellison—”

“Call me Mitch.”

“Alright.” He smiled and a little too genuinely and she felt the tears come to her eyes as she looked through the window next door. Being compared to Ben was the ultimate compliment, even if she was being called a pain in the ass. She coughed once more before jumping right in. “The reason I’m here, Mitch, is because I saw that a research position opened up and I was wondering if I could interview for it.”

“Ohhh.” He tapped his finger on the desk for a moment and then smiled. “It’s pretty ballsy to go straight to the Editor-in-chief for a part-time entry-level position, Ms. Page.”

“I’m not an HR kind of girl,” she chuckled. “And from what I’ve learned in any industry, your best bet is going straight to the source. Especially if you have already been connected.”

Mitchell Ellison smiled.

*****

Karen stood on the steps of  _the Bulletin_ building and was smiling so big her cheeks were beginning to hurt. She had another job. One she had never considered applying for and one that was probably going to exhaust her, but it was the kind of job she’d always wanted.

She saw a familiar face sitting with his cane between his knees and that tilted smile she had already grown used to. She realized which man she was approaching based on looks alone. For one thing, he didn’t wear his glasses, and she could tell they were stashed in his inside jacket pocket. She hadn’t noticed how ragged he looked before, but the circles under his eyes told her he hadn't slept very well and the rest of him made her wonder how long it had been since he'd had a decent meal. His clothes hung on him a little looser than the other Matt. It broke her heart.

Her demeanor shifted as she walked toward him and he hopped off the bench and waved. “Hi, beautiful.”

“Hi.” She needed to learn how to act less infatuated with this man. She was pretty sure that her response would be the same if her Matt Murdock threw the word ‘beautiful’ around all the time.

“Care to let your future boyfriend take you out for lunch?”

Karen’s stomach grumbled as she thought about the prospect of food and sighed. “I have to get back to work, Matt. And I don’t want to upset—”

“He knows.” He pulled a piece of plastic out of his pocket. “How do you think I got his credit card?”

“I don’t know, by grabbing it out of his coat pocket while he’s in the bathroom like Foggy and I always do?”

“That’s cute.”

Karen laughed. “I forgot— _can’t lie to the human lie detector_.”

Matt thought of the woman he’d recently lost and the ways she got around his senses. It always made him smile when she found ways to trick him. It made life more interesting. “You have your ways.”

“Do I? Or do I just _think_ I do since you obviously know that...”

He chuckled. “You told me how you do it once.”

She grabbed his elbow and walked away from _the Bulletin_ building. “That’s _interesting_ .” She rubbed his bicep. “How exactly _would_ I do that?”

“Karen Page, are you flirting for tips on how to lie to me? You really think you have me _that_ wrapped around your finger?”

She smiled and tilted her head against his shoulder. “Something tells me I do.”

***** 

Future Matt walked her into a diner that she loved but had never taken him to before. Karen picked a booth, and Matt chose to sit on the same side as her. She was beginning to see the positive side of her situation. For one thing, this Matt wanted to be as close to her as possible, which was far more enjoyable than she'd let on. He also seemed to give her his undivided attention at all times, which was somewhat nerve-racking, but only because she was twice as worried about saying the right things when his focus was completely on her. He may have implied that he was in love with her time and again, but that was still unbelievable considering she had no evidence as to why. 

A server delivered waters and a coffee to Karen. Matt ordered his own coffee and spouted off exactly what he and Karen wanted before she opened her mouth.

“That’s a nice trick, Murdock.”

“It’s Monday. You always get French toast on Mondays.”

Any doubt in her mind that they were really together in the future dissipated with the knowledge that this Matt openly displayed. “So how did your meeting with Ellison go?”

She smiled at how ordinary their outing was starting to feel. They were just two people in a diner discussing her day. “It went well, actually. I start tomorrow night.”

“Great job, Page!” He raised his hand in a high five and she gave one back. 

“Thank you! I seem to have this magical ability to convince my future bosses to hire me before they even realize what's happening." She took a sip of her coffee while she contemplated her newfound power. Maybe she should have set her sights higher.

He chuckled. “Well, don’t fall in love with this one, ok?”

“But he’s so much less complicated,” she said dreamily. “And there _is_ only _one_ of him.” She nodded like she was convincing herself of the possibilities.

“Hey, Page! Don’t forget about me that quickly!”

“Don’t worry Murdock, he’s already married with children. You forget that?”

“I know Lisa quite well, actually. We’re pretty used to having conversations while you two argue about articles during dinner parties.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “That is incredibly weird.”

“Sorry, Karen. I’m trying to keep our conversations spoiler-free. But as you can see, this is one more thing that I fail miserably at.”

“Is the other thing being nice to your past self?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “More like keeping my hands off you and flirting relentlessly, but sure…”

“You really are bad at that too.” She pushed her hair behind her ears as he waited for her to say what was on her mind. “I have so many questions for you, but at the same time... I feel like I’d be ruining all of the surprises for myself.”

“That’s the journalist in you.”

She blushed. “I can’t believe I really become…” It felt ridiculous to say it out loud.

“You do, Karen Page. It’s pretty badass to say I get to kiss a renowned investigative reporter whenever I want.”

She ignored the adorable part of that sentence and focused on the part that was somehow less believable. “You can’t really think that _I’m_ the badass in this relationship?”

“You keep me on my toes, Karen. And it’s impossible to _not_ be proud of you.”

She pursed her lips into an embarrassed smile, only breaking her attention when their server dropped off their food.

“So I’ve been thinking about this whole situation—”

He put his arm behind her and turned toward her. “And you’ve decided that there’s this magnetism between us that you can’t ignore and you’re ready to brush him off and run away with me?”

Her sigh was partially due to annoyance and partially over the fact that his charm was too much for her. "Why are you so hard on him?"

"You mean on _me_?"

"Whatever. This is getting too confusing. We need to come up with a different name for you."

"Or for him. I'm the better Matt, love. I promise."

"I don't know if I trust you just yet, _Evil_ Matt."

"Well I don’t like that… How about... _Superior_ Matt."

"You do realize that _Younger_ Matt—" she looked at him and saw him vigorously shake his head 'no' at that name. "Fine, _Present_ Matt, he has a temper just like you. And you are really pissing him off."

"He needs to get a little angry every now and then. Especially over the things that matter. I’m just helping him come to the realization that he can't live without you."

"See, this is what I’m talking about! You've got to stop doing that!"

"I'm just telling you the truth, sweetheart. You're the love of that man's… And _my_ , life."

"That is way too much pressure. We haven't even gone on a _date_ , Matt."

“What do you call what we're on right now?” She looked around the diner and saw that the majority of its inhabitants were over the age of 65 or having what seemed to be important discussions over impersonal matters.

“A work lunch,” she said confidently.

He lowered his arm from the top of the booth to her shoulders and tilted his head down at her. “But we aren’t talking about _work—_ ”

Karen rolled her eyes and sighed as their server refilled their coffees. She sliced her french toast and moved a piece around her whipped cream while she thought about the right thing to say.

“Ok, maybe it’s fine for you to flirt when we’re several blocks from him and he isn’t getting jealous, but, and I know I’ve said this before… I don’t want him to think I care more about you than I do about him. I barely even understand how this works! I have feelings for him and I have feelings for you because _you’re_ him. My brain is going to explode.”

He laughed and smiled lovingly at her. “I think you’re overthinking this.”

“Well, I think that you’re _underthinking_ it. He will realize that I’m not… This is all going to sink in sooner or later. You have a code and I broke that code. You deserve better than this, Matt. And we can fix it now.”

His expression became serious and she was taken aback. He grabbed her hand from the table and squeezed it gently. "Karen Page, there is one thing in this world that I have never doubted, not even for a second. And that is that you are all I’ll ever want or need to be happy.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she sighed. “I can’t win this argument, can I?”

“What can I do to make you believe me, gorgeous?” He lifted a few inches off the seat, hitting a knee into the table. You want me to jump on this table and tell everyone how much I love you? It might change the future of every person in this diner, but _I’ll do it.”_

“No no no…” she gripped his arm and he sat back down. “I believe you, ok? I just…" She looked around the diner and saw that nobody seemed to notice Matt's display. "This Fisk thing has me a little rattled. I didn’t want to bring you into this, and I… I’ve been ashamed of it for a while.”

He squeezed her shoulder and whispered in her ear. “Wesley may have tried to blackmail you, but we both know that he was going to kill you, Karen. If not that night, then eventually. And right now, the thing Matt is thinking about is how _he_ failed _you_ —“ She opened her mouth, but his voice was angrier as he continued. “—and I _did_ . If I had just answered my damn phone, none of this would have happened. I should have focused on the real story about Fisk like you did instead of looking for a fight and nearly dying. I wouldn’t have argued with Foggy and you wouldn’t have been alone. If I had told you sooner, _maybe_ ... _Maybe_ then you would have come to me and this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Wow, it looks like we’re both blaming ourselves over this.”

“I never wanted you to have to make this kind of a decision, honey. I wanted you to be able to trust me and I— Look, I love you and you’re all that matters. And you can’t convince him otherwise either. He knows who’s at fault here.”

He put his finger to the bridge of his nose and shook his head before letting go and forcing a smile as she took a few more bites of her food. She lifted her fork to her mouth, changing her mind and holding it over her plate as she thought about something that made her stomach turn.

He put his hand on hers and she let the fork fall onto the plate. “What is it, baby?”  

She sighed. “I don’t know if you’ll tell me.”

“You can ask me anything.” He figured everything was already on the table, and any small detail about the next few years would be easy to discuss with her, but her hesitation scared him.

“I missed some of the conversation yesterday when I went outside.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure I filled you in on everything.”

She shook her head. “You really think that? There isn’t _one thing_ you forgot to tell me?”

He looked genuinely confused. “What's that?”

"The real reason you're here.” She took a breath and spoke quietly. “How do I die?”

He clenched his lips and squeezed the fist that wasn’t touching her hand until his knuckles were white. “They told you?”

“No, Matt. I figured it out.”

He shook his head. “You don't need to know that, love. It isn't going to happen.”

“I'm pretty sure I do need to know.” She’d thought about it for the last day, and even though it made her physically ill, she knew she couldn’t let it go.

“Well I’m not going to tell you something that is one, really hard to talk about and two, completely irrelevant.”

“So, then…” she sniffled. “It’s really bad?”

“No baby—”

She looked at the man who was trying to make her feel better after losing the person he loved, and she almost forgot he was talking about _her_. “I'm so sorry I did this to you.”

“You didn't do anything. _He_ did.”

She nodded sadly and asked the question that scared her even more than her actual fate. “Were you... Um. Were you there when it happened?”

He was almost eerily calm as he went back to a moment he didn’t want to think about ever again and answered honestly. “I was two blocks away.”

“And you _heard_ it?” She said, her voice breaking.

“I did.” He squeezed her shoulder “I heard b-both your eyes close and your heart stop beating.” He choked back tears.

It was almost surreal how none of the diners or restaurant staff noticed the couple who spoke about death in the last possible place you would expect a serious conversation to occur. The noise around them persisted, even after she let out a quiet sob and turned into him, crying against his neck as he kissed her forehead and stroked her hair.

 


	6. Two Dates With Matt Murdock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen asks Future Matt some questions about the woman he lost. The plan to thwart Fisk is set in motion.

For the first time since meeting him, Karen Page noticed the nervousness and hesitation of the man who walked beside her on their way back to the office. His confidence had seemingly disappeared as he gripped his cane tightly and pursed his lips. She thought back to all the times she had seen her Matt do the same thing.

Those rare moments were always when he was conflicted.

The truth was, Matt Murdock fidgeted a lot. So it was incredibly obvious that something was off when he became stiff and his knuckles went white. You just had to be looking hard enough. 

Right now Karen knew it was because this future version of him was respecting her wishes to keep his distance and lessen the pressure on her and the Matt that she knew. But she'd be lying to herself if she brushed it off and said it wasn't obvious that he was having a really hard time. 

And he was, but he was trying his best to keep that from her. Because the man who walked beside her was so used to constant contact with the woman he loved. They were frequently off on their own because each of their jobs took them away from each other more often than they liked. They loved the work they did, but it definitely gave them a greater understanding of how precious their time together was.

If only he had known just how little time they had.

Matt thought about the subtle differences between his Karen and the one who held his arm. She didn’t remember that he didn’t need her help, and he kind of missed her leading him like this when it wasn’t just for appearances. They typically displayed their affection more often than most couples because of a pure need to be close to the one they loved, but this was different. Before they dated, Karen never gave up the opportunity to guide him through the busy sidewalks. She thought she was making his life just a little bit easier; that she was filling the role that Foggy typically had because people on New York City sidewalks were more focused on their own movements than the movements of others.

But it was the first sign that told her she liked him. She'd get goosebumps at his touch long after it became routine. She'd hug his arm to hers without knowing she was doing it, or she'd tilt her head against his shoulder as she looked up at the sky or the trees. Those first moments were everything to him. 

He couldn't help but appreciate how different their dynamic was in this moment. This was the woman he had fallen in love with, but he had the fortune of being around her before he’d screwed everything up. She believed in him more than ever right now because she hadn’t been put through the hell that heput her through. He had always questioned whether there were more good moments than bad for his love and he was constantly trying to apologize for things long after she forgave him. 

If he had it his way, he would beg her to blow off work and spend time with him so that he could re-experience everything one more time. He wouldn’t be nervous this time; wasting the minutes he had with her by thinking about the best way to say something or stopping himself from taking the next step. Instead, he’d just listen to her breathe and move. He’d spend more time smelling her hair and her skin and witnessing her fall in love with him again. Just the thought of being able to relive every dinner and lunch, every walk in the park... Every time he listened to her brushing her hair or sighing as she tried to create the perfect lead. It brought tears to his eyes.

Their lives were so very serious so often, it would be wonderful to forget all of that and just be wrapped up in each other.

Future Matt realized his hand was starting to hurt and loosened his grip on his cane. He wished he were less desperate for Karen’s touch and less desperate to hear her voice. He indulged himself just a bit by keeping her talking the whole way back to the office. He could tell she thought he was already overly attentive, but at least she knew why he was so clingy now. He thanked God that he didn’t have to keep such a secret from her. He learned a long time ago that keeping things from her tore him up and hurt them both in the long run. This may have been the one time where the opposite would have been true, but it was too late. She was too perceptive, even for the man who knew her more than she knew him.

Three more blocks.

It was all the time he had left with her and he needed to make it count. She guided him away from a woman who had nearly failed at her daunting task of keeping a toddler and a puppy out of the way of fast-walking New Yorkers. Karen grinned at her as they passed, receiving an exhausted smile from the woman who shook her head as her curly-haired little girl recovered from tripping as she giggled at her puppy's oversized feet. 

Future Matt felt a stinging lump in his throat as Karen giggled at the three passers-by who didn’t quite fit in with the rushing crowd. She turned to him, never noticing her companion's face readjust from sad to smiling as he watched her enjoy the little things.

“I think I’ve figured it out,” she said triumphantly.

“Figured what out, beautiful?”

“What to call you. What if we call him Matt and we call you Matthew? I think there’s just enough of a distinction to actually know who we’re addressing.”

“I can handle that.” Matthew knew that his being there complicated things for everyone, and he knew the two people who would benefit most from the simplification were Karen and Foggy, so he was automatically on board.

“Do I ever call you that? It feels a little weird.”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “But it’s usually when you’re mad at me, so... rarely.”

She couldn’t help thinking he was cute when he told her obvious lies about trivial things in an attempt to flirt. “Let me guess, You want me to call _him_ Matthew then?” She chuckled over the inevitability of him wanting her to show him favoritism.

He made it easy for her this time. “No, go with what feels normal for you with him. And you can obviously call me whatever you want when there aren’t two of us.”

“Thank God,” Karen said happily. “So what am I like, _Matthew_?”

“What are you _like_?” He didn’t understand the question.

“In two years. What am… What _was_ …” She shook her head. It was harder than she thought it would be now that she had confirmation.

His lip quivered, but he smiled and quietly cleared his throat before speaking more seriously than she’d expected. “You’re perfect.”

She shook her head. She loved the idea that he could think she was that wonderful after years of dating, but it was a little bit unbelievable to her. “No, really…”

“ _R_ _eally._ I mean I’m very biased, but you… I guess you want specifics." He scratched his head. "Do you mean in comparison to now...? I guess you do.”

“Yes, compared to _now_.” She enjoyed watching him be the one who was confused for once. 

“Well, I guess I could say you are more confident. But it’s hard. I really didn’t know you as much as I thought I did back _now_ … That sounds really weird.” He sighed and tried to gather his thoughts. “You and I didn’t know a lot about each other, and that’s a shame. All I really knew about you was that you were the glue to Nelson and Murdock and you made me happy to come to work every day.”

“Really? You sure your not memory’s not just clouded?”

“I’m sure. I may be oversimplifying, though. We were friends, don’t get me wrong, but we were wrapped up in our own lives for a bit. You… It was hard for me to understand that you could really love _every part_ of me," he sighed. “I had a really rough life before. I tried to hide it, but you got me to open up later and I really think it helped. It’s the reason I pushed you and Foggy away for so long and it took you over a year to figure out that that's what I was doing— and that’s definitely my fault.”

She walked slowly and didn’t say anything. She had known that things hadn’t been easy, but Matt had always been guarded, and she’d hoped he would tell her when he was ready. She didn’t know if it was up to her to ask his future self the questions that had gnawed at her since she’d met him. In fact, it was probably the _last_ thing her Matt wanted them to talk about.

He realized almost immediately. “Anyway, back to you… Hmmm. You definitely call me on my bullshit much more easily— I guess I would call that a flaw that you should definitely try to _avoid..._ ”

She smiled. “I’m glad that you’re being objective here.”

“It’s one of my many positive traits that I’m sure you’ll enjoy learning about in time.” She squeezed his elbow and he continued. “You become an amazing reporter, and you expand your friend circle to more than just two avocados.”

“I like my friend circle just fine.” She smiled at the idea nonetheless.

Matthew didn’t budge. “You’ll be a lot happier once you have some male and _female_ friends who don’t argue with each other about everything. And believe me, it gets a lot better once the three of us have some other people we can complain to about each other.”

“That _would_ be nice now that I think of it.”

He chuckled. “You don’t need a bunch of people in your life, Karen, but the ones you let in become family. I know that's really important to you...”

Her eyes watered at the idea of a real family and she turned her head inconspicuously and wiped the tears away. She quickly learned that she’d have to get used to him showing he’d noticed her small signs of pain. He pulled her out of the way of a power-walking couple behind them and she stood on the first step to a townhouse as he held her against him and kissed her forehead. 

He wiped away a tear that fell down her cheek as she looked up at him. “I know your family isn’t the warmest, baby, but once you create your own family, it gets easier to see them the one or two times a year we do. Soon you'll be happy. I promise.”

Hearing him talk about something she hadn’t said out loud was painful but comforting. It was almost eerie how much he knew about her. 

He realized he had broken one of the rules and pulled away from her, but she grabbed his elbow as they started walking again. “Sorry, I— I know we haven’t talked about that yet... I should probably just stop.”

“No, please tell me more! They can be superficial facts.”

“Ok, superficial…” He thought about it for a minute. “Good or bad?"

Her eyes grew wide. "What's a _bad one_ , Murdock?"

He winced as he spoke. "You're not going to like it, but... Don't go to the hairdresser on 51st street in two years... Someone may misunderstand you and cut your hair shorter than you like..."

She opened her mouth in disbelief. “Please tell me that doesn’t happen.”

She'd had a bad experience when she was 6 and her father thought cutting it was their only option after a boy had put gum in her hair on the school bus. Her mother was livid when she got home, angrily yanking her by the arm and dragging her to a salon. The hairdresser tried her best to fix what her father had done, but Penelope Page’s angry eyes and constant comments had put her on edge. Karen left with a ridiculously short style— which had her classmates calling her ‘Peter Pan’ for the rest of primary school, and a new stoicism as her mother yelled at her the whole way home for ‘bringing this on herself.’ Days later, she received a half-hearted apology from her mother, who had realized how harsh she’d been, but it didn’t matter. Karen went from not caring about her appearance to being constantly worried about her mother's feelings about her looks _._ She also actively avoided any male with chewing gum, but that wasn't too bad of a negative. 

“It’s not as bad as you think, baby,” he smiled. “She cut it just a little below your chin and everyone loved it- _even your mother_. I’m pretty sure it affected me more than anything.”

She had a hard time believing the truth about her mother, but she was more interested in the last thing he’d said. ”Wait, how did it affect you more than me?”

“It wasn’t that big of a deal, I just... I love your hair. The longer you keep it, the more there is, ”he laughed.” I sound so ridiculous.”

“I didn’t know you had such a vested interest,” she chuckled. “Or does that come later?”

“Just a little bit later. It is the softest—” he sighed. “I can smell you from another room when you move and it swishes behind you… Or when it falls over me when you lay on my chest or when we’re—” he gulped as he thought about the last passionate moment he had with his Karen. She rubbed his elbow. “More Future Karen qualities… Well, you can’t keep your hands off of me. That’s probably my favorite.”

“Oh really?”

“Absolutely. I‘ll come home a little later than I’m supposed to, or you’ll get back from a work-related trip, and you are very good at making it known that you have needs. It makes it really hard to turn you down when I’m exhausted.”

“Something tells me that last part doesn’t happen.”

“You may be right about that, Page.” He squeezed her arm to his side. “Anyway… You are tenacious, which I know you are now, but we don’t even realize to what degree— yet. You have gotten a lot of information out of people who wouldn’t normally give it up and it makes you really good at your job.” He veered away from the superficial yet again without noticing. “You let down your walls, and even after everything we go through, you are more lighthearted than you are now. Once you no longer keep your burdens to yourself, I think it really helps.”

They approached the building which housed Nelson and Murdock, and she shook her head as she thought about the revelations from the last day. She couldn’t imagine confiding in them about _everything._ “I don’t know, Matthew…”

He turned to her and grabbed her hand. “You don’t have to go through this alone, Karen. You told me that once and it took me too long to realize it, but let me just say it to you now. We both know you've been taking care of yourself your entire life, baby, but... you have him and you have Foggy and they love you. You never have to do that again."

*********

Karen couldn't help but laugh at how things had changed. It had been less than 24 hours and she felt like her life had been turned upside down, but most of it was for the good. 

Because two versions of the person she'd had feelings for had made it clear that she meant more to him than she thought possible. Her friends were actively trying to save her from certain death— a plan which both aggravated and moved her, though she'd promised herself she'd find a way to be more involved whether they liked it or not. And now she had a second job - and if everything worked out the way Matthew had promised, she was going to be great at something that she loved.   

She wasn't about to tell the three loves in her life this, but she was pretty sure that even if the life she was about to lead was cut short, it still sounded like it was pretty great. 

Karen grabbed her water bottle out of the fridge and flipped the lid and smiled. It had already been a pretty long day, but she had an unexplainable feeling of certainty that it was going to get better. That didn't happen very often. 

"How was your french toast?" 

She turned around and saw Matt smiling from ear to ear. 

"It was good—" she said, realizing just how great his sense of smell was. "Wow."

He leaned against the counter as she sat the bottle down.

"Sorry, Page. I have to go over the top to impress you now that there's another me vying for your attention."

She laughed under her breath. "Is that what it took for Karen Page to end up on yourradar?" She chuckled. "Time travel?"

She cringed at how she sounded, but it did make some sense if she looked back on their time together. He had definitely changed for the better in the time since they put Fisk behind bars, but before that, Karen had felt like a hindrance to both him and Foggy. They had gone through something together, and she didn't stand on the sidelines and let their friendship implode. It was just the kind of person she was.

His confident smile didn't waver. "You couldn't be more wrong. How about I tell you about it over dinner tonight?"

"D-dinner?” She bit her lip and narrowed her eyes. “You’re sure you—”

He answered immediately. “Yes, I’m sure. As long as you are.”

“I- I am. But what about Matthew?”

”Matthew?” He smiled. “Is that what we’re calling him now?”

She nodded as her confidence returned. "I decided it today. You already agreed."

Matt tilted his head toward her, his lips open in a smile that told her he was impressed. "I think you’re starting to _like_ this, Ms. Page."

She pushed her hair back and laughed under her breath. " _What?_ I’m offended, Murdock. Why would I like someone anticipating my every need and acting like I’m the best thing on this planet when this has been nothing but difficult for you? I'm not  _that_ selfish."

He was happy to see her showing signs of enjoyment after everything that had happened in the last day. "You're just getting the attention you deserve, Karen Page. Get used to it." He touched her hand and which shook underneath his fingers. "So did I just mishear that 'yes'?"

“You heard correctly," she spoke quickly. "I guess I didn't expect that."

"Two dates with Matt Murdock in one day?"

She couldn’t help but feel lucky.

*****

The rest of the day went by slowly for Matt. Foggy broke the monotony by visiting him or asking for advice, but he was in court, which left Matt alone with his work. He was having a hard time trying to focus because of how excited he was for his date with Karen. Karen got twice the work done because she had help, but that came with its own limitations.

Because when he wasn’t helping Karen catch up on the work she had been behind on for weeks, Matthew was flirting with her or flinging paperclips into her empty coffee cup to impress her. She couldn’t help but giggle and somehow, hearing this made Matt less jealous and more infatuated with the woman he was excited to take out that night.

Matt ended a call and heard laughter from the kitchen. Karen kept trying to stump Matthew by asking him trivia about herself, but he never missed an answer, and she was shocked each time he knew something she never thought she’d give away.

“ _Why would I ever tell you that_?” she shook her head as she poured a half packet of sugar into her coffee.

“Watch your booze, Karen Page. Your future—“ he took a sip of her coffee and confirmed to himself that it had been done right that time. “—boyfriend will learn the most ridiculous Karen information when you decide to let loose. And he won’t feel bad about taking advantage of that.”

She shook her head smiling, taking the cup from him to set it on the counter and brushing off a small splatter of cream from his shoulder. “I'm seeing some of that devil in you, Matt Murdock." She kissed his cheek and told him she had to get to work.

Matt didn’t know what it was, but it was like a switch had been flipped inside his future self. His heart started to race as his eyes watered and he grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug. He quickly told her he was going to head home and left the office immediately, tears hitting the floor as he walked out.

Matt heard him run out of the building and around the corner before he burst into tears, falling against a brick wall and sobbing into his hands. He furrowed his brow as he listened, filled with an overwhelming sense of pain as own eyes followed suit. Matthew had a way of keeping his emotions contained for the most part, making jokes or distracting himself instead of divulging how he really felt.

But Matt started to notice that every now and then he seemed to disappear inside of himself, and it was usually after a moment with the love of his life. Witnessing her do the littlest things broke him down to nothing.

*****

Foggy walked into Matt's office and saw his best friend beaming as he read over paperwork for a case that Foggy knew was aggravating to both of them. 

 _That man is in trouble,_ he thought happily.

He closed the door behind him, but it popped back open slightly, causing him to sigh in exasperation. Each of the doors in their office had their little quirks. Some of the frames were sagging, which required their doors to be yanked, and usually resulted in the opener falling backward or slamming the bottom into their toes. Others were so old that their hardware had been bent or broken, causing the doors to pop open when there was just the slightest breeze or they weren't closed perfectly. 

He brushed it off. 50% of the people in their office had super-hearing, so what difference did it make? Matt tilted his head as he heard Karen singing while she grabbed a file from a shelf in the conference room. She always sang quietly, but she had never realized that he could hear her. He wasn’t about to tell her. It was a guaranteed way to make him smile. 

"You look _happy._ "

He smiled. "I am happy, Foggy." He had forgotten about everything that was in store for them in the coming days. His focus was on that night. But his best friend's heartbeat told him he was nervous and he focused back on him.

"What is it?" Matt jumped straight to wondering if Foggy's feelings had changed about him pursuing Karen. Matthew had never indicated that Foggy had any issue, but they did all work together, and Foggy might not have realized there could be ramifications until just now. "Should I have asked... Do you have an issue with me and Karen dating?"

"No, Matt." Foggy laughed "I have a bigger problem with the two of you  _not_ dating."

"You do, do you?" Matt chuckled. 

"The tension in this office is palpable. It's been more aggravating watching you two idiots tread lightly around each other when it's been incredibly clear that you both have feelings—"

"I wouldn't say that I've been treading—"

" _Of course you wouldn't._ " Foggy rolled his eyes. "Like I said,  _idiots."_

Matt was beginning to believe that he was never going to win any argument ever again. He was even starting to question why he thought he was a decent lawyer when he couldn't convince people of what he considered to be the most basic facts about his own life. But Foggy was always perceptive about how he was feeling, causing him to wonder if maybe he _had_ been acting differently around her _._  

"Then what _is_ bothering you, Foggy?"

"I know I'm fixating on one thing, but..." He sighed as his voice broke. "I just can't believe that he— that _you_ would think about _killing yourself_." Foggy staredout the window and rung his hands without noticing Matt jump up from his desk to close the door before meeting him by the window.

"We can't talk about this here, Foggy. If she  _heard—_ " He listened for Karen, hearing a whispered expletive on the other side of the glass and shaking his head. "Her heart rate is elevated."

Foggy looked outside of Matt’s office and saw that Karen had thrown her hands in the air before she went to work picking up the contents of one of the folders she had been carrying. It was an image he had grown used to. Karen was slightly clumsy, and she gave herself a hard time whenever she created twice the work for herself.

Once she was finished picking everything up, she dropped the folders on her desk and took a sip of her coffee before sitting down and opening her laptop. 

"She just dropped something." He was thankful as he turned back to his friend after seeing her start to type. "But I'll be careful."

Matt nodded. "She can't know about that, Foggy," he whispered. Foggy's question was one that he'd been pondering for the last 12 hours. He'd jumped from wondering about whether Matthew would make such a decision to thinking about the position he'd put his own friends in. He knew he'd been reckless as his alter-ego, especially when he'd let his emotions get the best of him. He'd been selfish before, but now he knew it was time to put Karen and Foggy at the forefront of his thoughts whenever he made a dangerous decision. 

He wanted to keep the fact that Matthew’s Karen had been killed more than anything, but it’d be even worse if she learned that Matthew had been pushed to the brink after her death. He knew exactly how _he'd_ feel about the knowledge that either of them would make such a decision should something happen to _him_. Karen was the least selfish person he knew, and his suicidal thoughts would devastate her.

Foggy was still upset, and he tried his best to make him feel better. "He meant it when he said he wouldn't leave you like that, Foggy. His heartbeat didn't waver."

"Yeah, but you  _wouldn't..._ It couldn't get _that_ bad, right?" Foggy seemed to be thinking about something else instead of the actual likelihood of Matthew being suicidal at the death of his Karen. For reasons he couldn’t explain, Matt understood completely.

"He lost the woman he loved, Foggy. We don't know the details of how it happened or how he found out..." His number one question was whether Matthew had witnessed his girlfriend's death, but he had a sinking feeling that he knew the answer. "I can't imagine losing either one of you. I'd like to think I'd pick myself up and find a way to survive, but... I'm having a really hard time coming up with a reason as to why I would. You two are everything to me."

Foggy smiled at how Matt’s terrifying words were somehow soothing. But his happiness at Matt’s admission to loving his friends quickly dissipated, and he was suddenly filled with dread. “Matt, we have to consider that _maybe_ this might not work."

Matt took a breath and found her heartbeat in an attempt to calm himself. "That can't happen, Foggy."

"I know that, Matt, I do, but..." He saw her twist a lock of her golden hair around her finger as she answered the phone. "There is always the possibility that it won't. We need to have a backup plan. While we have _time_."

Matt tried his best to look optimistic. He wished there was some way they could guarantee her safety in the event that Fisk still found out. He had some ideas, but he knew that when it came to Wilson Fisk, there were no guarantees. “We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, Foggy. But you heard Matthew's plan. He's covering  _all_ of our bases. He's thought this through."

"Yeah, you're right." Foggy said as he watched Karen write something down. "I really don't know how my future self was handling everything.” She shook his head sadly. “Because I've tried to imagine it and I keep coming back to the fact that I can't live without her either."

Matt hugged his friend and nodded. "You won't have to, Foggy." 

*****

Matthew knocked on the paper-covered glass door of Alias Investigations and heard a string of curse words as a glass fell to the floor and shattered on the other side.

Jessica Jones groaned as she lifted her head off of her desk and stared at the wet shards that littered her floor. “Malcolm, I swear to _God_ if you don’t leave me the fu—” She opened the door halfway and saw a different face than the one she expected.  

“Hi,” he said as he nervously reached his hand out and waited for a response. “Jessica Jones?”

She sized him up and let his hand hang in the air for a little longer than etiquette would allow before grabbing it and shaking firmly. “I’m sorry to tell you this after you made the trip but, investigations are suspended for the time being. You can find another investigator in the phone book under ‘P’”

“I don’t really use phone books much,” he said lifting up his cane. She eyed it, and the corners of her lips curled up. “Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure _most_ people don’t use phone books anymore.” He smiled back at her but reverted to a straight face after his attempt at charm failed.

“Cute,” she said dryly. Matt stopped himself from saying that the Jessica he knew rarely used the word “cute,” and definitely not with him, but he knew that was a bad idea.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Jones. I understand you aren’t taking on new clients, but I… I need your help.” He fidgeted with his cane and her eyes took the rest of him in. He was attempting to be charismatic but his desperation made itself apparent almost immediately. She was used to seeing clients who thought that only she could help them, but this man seemed different. Like he knew something she didn’t.

“Can I come in?” He asked, and a small smile peeked through again.

“Sure,” she said awkwardly. She didn’t know why she said it, but sometimes her mouth betrayed her. She pulled the door open the rest of the way and gestured to her desk, and then instinctively led him by the elbow to a chair.

“I’m really sorry to intrude, I— it’s just that…” He didn’t even know how to begin the conversation, but he wished he had rehearsed it on the walk over. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t the Jessica Jones he considered one of his closest friends.

“Do _you_ even know why you’re here?” she said with genuine interest.

He smiled again. “I do. Maybe it’s best I just let you read this.”

He pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it across the desk. She looked at it in disbelief. It was adorned with an Alias Investigations logo, but it was slightly different than the one she’d used for ads, and she had never ordered stationery or envelopes before. She tried made a mental note to get on that if she ever actually started taking clients again. At this point, bartending was sounding better than being a hero to people who didn’t understand that she wasn’t what they wanted.

She looked at the man across from her as she ripped open the sealed envelope, and fought the urge to tell him that he was in the wrong place, or question why in the hell he had it. She yanked the piece of paper out of its casing and unfolded it while he waited patiently.

Matt felt a bead of sweat drip down his temple and wiped it away quickly as she read. Her heart raced for a moment and he couldn’t tell if she was angry or confused. He really should have asked Jess about the contents of the letter beforehand, but something told him that wasn’t for him to know.

The Jessica across from him shook her head and bit her lip. She refolded the letter and put it back inside the envelope, clutching it to her chest without saying anything.

Matt knew that he’d probably be digging a deeper hole if he spoke, so he waited quietly and prayed to himself that it’d be enough.

“Ok.” She said 

“Ok?”

She took a swig from the bottle of bourbon that had been on her desk and nodded. “What do you need me to do?”


	7. Getting it Right The Second Time Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt gets ready for his date. Matthew "helps."

"Hey there Matty!" came a cheerful voice as Matt entered his apartment. "I gotta say, it's pretty nice letting you do all the law stuff while I get some much-needed relaxation."

Matt sat his cane and coat on the bench in the hallway and smiled at his other chipper self, who was stretched out on his couch. "You _did_ , did you?"

"No. But it's a nice thought.” Matthew said happily. “I just got back from meeting with Jessica, actually. Part one of the plan is already in motion.”

He cringed at how quickly he’d forgotten his priorities— especially after he’d lectured his future self about focusing on their problem sooner rather than later. Matthew didn’t seem to be in a patronizing mood that night, and for that he was grateful. “Good. That’s good. Are you two going out tonight? Do you think I should come?” Matt asked quickly. “It’d probably be weird for her to see two of us, actually. Unless we’re going with Foggy’s twin idea.”

Matthew chuckled at the number of questions his younger self asked and answered before he had the chance.

"Hi, I’m Matthew. Meet my twin… Matt?”

Matt laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. “No, you’d need a different name... Michael? ...Mike?” He shook his head vigorously. “Somehow that sounds even more ridiculous than Matt and Matthew.”

“You’re right about that. So how about we uncomplicate it and just send one of us since we can’t seem to get this name thing figured out.” Matthew said with a smile. He decided to just be nice and not mess with Matt, no matter how entertaining it would be. “Preferably the one of us who isn’t speaking a mile a minute and, you know, the one who already knows which of her buttons he _shouldn’t_ push.”

“That’s a good idea."

“And I’m not going out tonight, don’t worry. I figured I’d give Jessica at least a day’s notice.”

“Makes sense,” Matt said apologetically. “I didn’t think… is it going to be ok for me and Foggy to go to Karen’s apartment _tomorrow_?”

“So you can go on a date _tonight,_ Murdock?” He heard the happy tone in his future self’s voice, but it didn’t negate the fact that he hadn’t planned far enough in advance. If he was being fair with himself, he'd take into account the fact that his entire future had been laid out in front of him and nothing was going to pan out the way he had planned. It was an easy distraction, and he planned to get his head in the game as soon as he had the opportunity to set up the one positive thing that would make up for everything else— a future with Karen Page. 

" _Of course_ you were eavesdropping." Matt smiled half-heartedly. "I guess I should have spoken to you before I made plans."

"You can still live your life even though I’m here, Matt. I don’t need a babysitter. And you definitely don't have to ask my permission if you're making that girl happy."

“I appreciate that. And I promise I haven’t forgotten…”

"I know that, Matt.” He felt his watch and looked to his younger self. “You better start getting ready. You don’t want to show up late for your first date. She’ll get used to your constant tardiness— most of the time she’s pretty understanding. Best not to test that today, though.”

Matt nodded with a new sense of urgency and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. He washed his hair quickly, thinking about how unprepared he was. He’d been more focused on Karen's comfort level and what she'd say when he asked her out. Once he got a “yes” he was too excited to actually think to pick a restaurant or make a reservation.

There was a nice restaurant a client had mentioned to him about a month ago. He tried to remember the name as he rinsed off.

_It was Italian— something like Leonardo’s… Or Donatello’s? That can’t be right… Why are those names so familiar?_

He dropped a bar of soap and picked it up quickly, hitting his head into the knob above him as he lifted back up. “Ow!” He said quietly before shouting and jumping back as the water turned to freezing. Then it hit him:

_Because they’re ninja turtles! When was the last time you thought about an 80’s cartoon? Dear God…_

Matt heard a knock on the bathroom door and instantly became worried that Karen had arrived early.

“Doing ok in there, buddy?” Matthew asked. Matt definitely heard the chuckle that followed.

“I’m fine!” He shouted in a far more angry tone than Matthew deserved.

 _You have extra-sensory hearing, idiot! If you’d just focused, you would have realized that she isn’t even here. You have a half hour before she..._ He felt like an even bigger idiot once he realized the flaw in his thinking. _And_ you’re _picking_ her _up!_

“Oh my God, I’m so screwed,” he said to himself. He heard Matthew burst into laughter as he pulled a beer out of the fridge.

Matt spent the rest of his shower meditating.

*****

Matt dried off and went to his closet to piece together an outfit. He could feel his future self smiling from his doorway as he slipped into a pair of boxers.

"What?" Something about this version of him being all-knowing really got on his nerves. He'd love to turn the tables on his smug self, but he knew that was never going to happen. 

"Are you nervous?"

"What do you think?” His tone was calm but irritated.

“I _think_ you didn’t notice the change of clothes I laid out on your bed...” Matt cringed as he realized his mistake. “And I _think_ your cheeks are flushed and you’re already sweating.” 

Matt shook his head and grabbed the pair of slacks off of his bed and put his foot into the wrong leg before turning them around. “Don’t you do that,” he said, annoyed.

“Do what?” Matthew was barely holding it together.

“Don’t you do the, ‘ _my senses know you’re doing this and that and this_ ’ spiel.” Karen was the only person he’d had that kind of conversation with, but Matt couldn’t explain the surreal feeling that Matthew knew exactly what he was talking about.

Matthew wasn’t even a little bit sympathetic. “I forgot, you only use that on the woman you’re trying to _impress_.”

“Shut it, _Matthew_. And great observations there. I’m flush because I just got out of the  _shower_. And that wetness you call sweat? It’s _Water.”_

“Yeah, it smells like water too,” Matthew chuckled. “Little piece of advice for tonight? _Put on extra deodorant.”_

Matt clenched his fists before letting go and smiling threateningly. If this was what it was like to have a brother, he couldn’t believe he’d ever wanted such a thing when he was a child. “Is there something I can help you with, _Matthew_?”

“I’m good.” He hopped on the bed, crossing his feet and lacing his fingers behind his head, careful not to crush the suit on the end. “Man, even I wasn’t _this_ nervous.”

“Good to know. Quick question, though. Right before your first date, did you happen to spill the fact that you were _Daredevil_ ?’ He didn’t wait for him to answer. “Did you also have a more confident, more coherent version of yourself getting in your head and making the moves on her all day?”

“I did not.” Matt wanted to smack the smile off his future self’s face, but he knew it’d be pointless. The guy didn’t seem to mind mocking his younger self. As a matter of fact, he seemed to get a great deal of enjoymentout of Matt’s reactions. “Would you feel better if I gave you some tips?”

Matt sighed. "This is already the weirdest date I've gone on and I haven’t gotten to her door.”

“You’re right. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, you really haven’t been on _that many_ dates, now have you, Matty?”

Matt couldn’t believe the chuckle that left his lips. He really hoped it didn’t enable Matthew, but it was too late to consider the ramifications now.

"That doesn't matter though, Matt, because I’m going to help you get the edge.” Matt buttoned up his shirt and nodded hopefully. “Because she's better than you, Matt. You never really deserve her."

"Good to know.” He said dryly. “Maybe give me something I can _use_?"

“That’s the spirit!” Matthew said happily. “Ok… she loves being close. She always notices when I try to sneak a smell her hair or her skin— which is all the time, but she likes it. Even with the senses, there’s nothing better than being next to the real thing.” He smiled. “She will always get goosebumps when you touch her when she’s not expecting it. It can be as simple as little brushes of the hand, or when you push her hair behind her ears. Even now—” he sniffed quickly and opened his mouth in an attempt to brush off his mistake of referring to his Karen in the present tense. He still hadn’t reached the point where talking about her like she was no longer alive was normal.

Matt noticed his failure to recover and cut in. "Is that why you're always touching her hair?"

"Yeah, that’s more for me than anything,” Matthew chuckled. “It's a force of habit. I love her hair, and you will too. Nobody smells as amazing as Karen Page.” Matt smiled as his future self reminisced about the love of his life. “Now back to what I was saying…. Oh, she loves when you smile— the genuine kind that comes out because of her or Foggy— where your cheeks hurt."

"Okay,” Matt nodded. “What else?”

“Try to keep things light. Everything is already so much more serious since I've arrived, but I know you two can still have a happy first date. I picked the perfect restaurant for you- the address is in your phone." 

"Ok. Are you sure you're going to be alright with this?"

"It wouldn't make much sense for me to have a problem with you getting the ball rolling. I just wish I could be near her instead of alone."

"That won't be a problem. Foggy's on his way over."

Matthew smiled. "Thank you."

"You guys are going to have a good time. There are beers in the fridge and I’m going to apologize ahead of time for all the Avengers questions you’re about to get.” He was pretty interested in that information as well, but he was more nervous about the present at the moment. “How much time do we have?”

Matthew hit Matt’s talking clock which recited the time. “Ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes.” Matt took a breath and drank from Matthew’s beer. “Is there anything I _shouldn’t_ do?”

“Anything you _shouldn’t_ do?” Matthew asked. He scratched his head and thought for a moment as Matt waited patiently. “Oh, whatever you do, don’t—”

There was a knock at the door.

“Foggy!” Matthew said happily, jumping up and leaving the bedroom.

“Wait—” Matt said, but nobody heard him.

Foggy entered the living room and lifted a brown paper bag in the air. “Guess what I brought?” He said mischievously.

Matthew shook his head. He could distinctly smell butane, amaretto, and aluminum, which he assumed housed cheap beer. “ _You didn’t._ ”

He grabbed the rum from Matt’s bar as well as pint and shot glasses for two. “Oh, _I did_ ! I figured you already went back in time three years, maybe we could go back a few more.”

Matthew chuckled and turned to Matt. “Can I please trade places with you?”

“Not a chance,” Matt said as Foggy poured a can of beer into two glasses in preparation for their flaming Dr. Pepper drop shots.

Matthew tried to convince his younger best friend for a reprieve. “We said we weren’t going to do that ever again, Foggy.”

Foggy was unfazed. “Did we though? That doesn’t sound like something I’d say.” He could see the big smiles on each of his friend’s faces. “We may not remember much about that New Year’s, but the one thing I do remember is that this tasted great!”

“That’s exactly what you said to me the last time we tried this. Just remember, I’m older than you now, so that means you have an unfair advantage.” Matthew didn't know if hangovers really got worse with age, or if he would get drunk faster, but he hoped the myths he'd heard were enough to make Foggy go easy on him. It didn't work. 

“This can be an experiment to see if that is in fact, true.” he thumbed at his lighter to make sure it worked. “And we have _fire_!”

“Great.” Matthew laughed.

“Can we get back to what we were talking about, Matthew? I only have a few more minutes.” Matt was all thumbs as he untied the tie he had just poorly fixed.

Foggy hopped off the couch and started to tie Matt’s tie for him. “ _What were you talking about_?” he asked happily. “Could it be the best way to sweep our lovely Karen Page off her feet?” He turned to Matthew. “He really needs all the help he can get.”

Matt glared at him. “Actually, he was going to tell me the one thing I _shouldn’t do._ ”

“Oh, that’s easy. Don’t zone out and ignore what she’s saying.” Foggy offered. 

Matthew nodded quickly. “He’s right. _Definitely_ don’t do that.”

Matt raised his eyebrows at the fact that he walked right into yet another conversation about his shortcomings. He had grown used to Matthew riding him, but the addition of Foggy was going to get aggravating fast. He was grateful he only had five minutes left as Foggy adjusted his tie. “Perfect.” he ran his fingertips down the length in an attempt to straighten it out.

Matthew continued. “She gets tripped up when she realizes how much attention you’re paying her. Her family was… let’s just say that was something she’d never really experienced before. It makes her nervous at first, but she loves it eventually.”

“What was the deal with Karen’s family?” Foggy inquired.

“Later, Foggy, _please_ ,” Matt begged.

“Sorry, Matt—”

Matthew jumped to the point. “Right. Turn off the senses as much as you can when you’re around her. She’ll start to notice that you’re always thinking about what you’re _not_ taking care of. When you’re working, when you’re sleeping, and when you’re with her. That’s the thing you need to get used to with Daredevil. You _can’t be everywhere_. You just can’t. If you stress out about that fact, you suffer in other areas of your life, and that does you no favors. Your job _matters,_ Matt. Both of your jobs matter. And You need support from your friends in order to keep going. Believe me when I say this, you _will_ find a way to balance your personal, professional, and night lives without guilting yourself. And it makes everything better...”

Foggy listened intently as Matthew tried to convince himself of how to avoid personal and professional strife. He hadn’t gotten to a point where he completely understood Matt’s inner turmoil over his alter-ego, but Matthew’s matter-of-fact tone about what Matt was experiencing made him wonder how he could help his best friend as well.

Matt grabbed his coat from the bench and met them back in the living room as Matthew chose one more piece of advice to give. “Don’t rush through anything, Matt. I’ve never seen anyone appreciate the little things around them like she does, and she does that when she’s _happy._ You’ll notice her walking a little slower or taking a moment to breathe everything in,” he drifted off as his eyes welled with tears. “She’s so unbelievably beautiful. Every moment I had with her was so special— even in the silences.” He sighed. “Please don’t take her for granted like I did.”

Matt nodded and put his hand on Matthew’s shoulder. Matthew smiled and squeezed that same hand as Foggy smiled at the two of them. 

“Sorry, I don’t know how I drifted off to the more serious information, Matt. That probably won't help you tonight…”

He didn’t care. “It’s fine, Matthew. I think I actually prefer it to the superficial things.” He knew they mattered, but there was so much about Karen that he didn’t know, and he just wanted to be better with her from here on out.

“Okay… I guess I’m going to go now…” He touched his glasses in his shirt pocket and reached for the door. Matthew stopped him just in time.

“Your wallet, Matt—”

He sighed and turned back around.

Foggy moved on as his best friend headed back to his bedroom. “I want tips too, Matthew,”

He smiled. “Anything, Foggy. Lay it on me.”

Matt grabbed his phone and wallet off of his nightstand and took a breath. He could hear Foggy lift his finger into the air as he turned on his heel.

“Best home run birthday and Christmas gifts for KP: go.”

Matthew smiled. “She is going to hate me for stacking the deck against her.”

“But she’s going to get some pretty good _presents,_ ” Foggy nodded like he had won his case. “And Karen Page’s happiness _is_ all that matters, right?”

Matthew laughed. “Alright, best presents…” He thought for a moment as Matt met them in the living room and listened. “Karen is always happy as long as you put thought into her presents, Foggy. But she does love old classic books and records... You always have a good eye for decorative things. You put one of the few pictures of all of our friends in this 1960’s frame that you found… I’m pretty sure that she would run into a fire to save it.” Foggy smiled. “You really have nothing to worry about, but I’ll make a list of some items and the times and places you found them. I was with you quite often. I’m always worried about getting her the right gift.”

Matt wanted to inquire about how to surprise Karen, but he was a few minutes behind and knew he needed to leave. He told himself to get the girlfriend first and then worry about spoiling her.

“Matt—“ Matthew shouted before he left.

“What, Matthew? I really need to go—”

“Leave the glasses.”

Matt did a 180. Foggy saw the nervous look on his face and knew he wasn't prepared to be taken out of his comfort zone. “Wait, really?” He held them in his hand and waited for the answer he wanted.

“Really. You don’t need to hide behind them. She wants to get to know the real you. You don’t need a safety net.”

Matt nodded earnestly and left them on his bar.

“You’ll be great, Matt,” Foggy said honestly. “She really is excited.”

“Yeah, I… Yeah."

Matthew tried his best to be supportive, but his criticisms always found their way into his advice to his younger self. "You know how this pans out. Just be good to her and don’t overthink everything, and you probably won’t screw it up.” Foggy elbowed him and he realized he hadn’t helped much. “I'm not trying to be hard on you, I just know what kind of headspace you're in now."

Matt didn’t take it personally. "I think a lot has changed in the last few days."

"Good. And Matt, she thinks she is more into you than you are into her. We both know the truth. She's so incredibly wrong, it’s not even funny."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering, if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reference was made because the show was based on Daredevil, the answer is yes. It makes it that much more awesome that my childhood obsession was based something I’d be obsessed with some 20+ years later. 
> 
> Also, that "Mike/Michael" comment was definitely a dig at the "twin Matt" arc of the comics.


	8. Do You Remember that Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen and Matt go on a date. Matthew and Foggy spend some quality time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Irelandhoneybee for reading this long before it was ready and making me feel better. 
> 
> This chapter has been far more difficult than I’d like. I didn’t want to recreate one of my favorite scenes from Daredevil (or from any tv show, really) because it was perfect (with the exception of the “this date has been perfect” moment which aggravates me every time I rewatch it), but I saw it as an opportunity to give everyone more. I should have realized how daunting that concept was. I fully expect to come back and add more, but I’m never going to be satisfied. 
> 
> Stoked? That’s what I thought!

Matt walked quickly to Karen’s apartment.

He felt better for the first time in hours, without realizing it was the first time he stopped thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong and finally let himself get excited for a moment he'd wanted for months. Yes, he'd be thankful for every piece of information from his future self, but it was wonderful to finally be alone with his own thoughts. And yes, he realized how ridiculous that sounded.

He stopped cold on her apartment steps, knowing he was in the right place as he heard her voice singing over record static. The beginning of Sam Cooke’s “Bring It On Home To Me” poured through her cracked window, and he could hear her dancing slowly as she put on her lipstick and finished curling her hair.

He could sense her unbelievable calm as she dangled her favorite piece of jewelry between her fingers, a simple necklace that Kevin had given to her for her sixteenth birthday. It had two small gold circles which linked together at the center, and that day she had teared up at how perfectly it represented their relationship. They were inseparable as children, even though it drove her mother up the wall. Their age difference made things difficult as they progressed in school and attempted to assimilate into their age groups and act the way they were supposed to act. Karen remained a bit of an introvert when it came to relationships while Kevin flourished, but they always remained close. It was one of the only remaining items she had from her past with him and she always kept in the safest of places, unless she wearing it.

Matt was suddenly less anxious, not knowing how long he’d been leaning against the banister until the song came to an end. He adjusted his tie and took a breath before making his way to her call box.

The buzzer startled her, causing her to drop her necklace. She answered him without thinking, grabbing it from the floor and shaking her head as she made her way to her callbox to let him into the building. He was there by the time she opened her door, smiling as her warmth washed over him.

“Hi." He pushed a strand of hair that decided to pop up on the back of his head, but she didn’t notice. She was too busy taking him in and wondering how she ever got any work done when he looked like _that_.

"Hi."

They stood for a good ten seconds just smiling at each other until Karen realized she’d forgotten the most basic of invitations. “You want to come in?”

The smile hadn’t left his face. “Sure.” 

“I’ll just be a minute,” Karen slipped one foot into her heel as she attempted to connect the clasp of her necklace and dropped one side. She put her other shoe on and held the necklace in her palm.

“You want some help with that?” Matt held his hand out and she looked down happily as she gave it to him. She turned around and lifted her hair up as he stepped closer, running the thin chain back around her, causing her to take a staggered breath as his fingers grazed her neck. 

The clasp clicked into place, to quiet for someone without his hearing. “Perfect.” Matt pulled his hands away, trailing on the back of her shoulders for an instant as she dropped her hair and it tickled the back of his hands.

“Thanks.” His eyes had softened, and she realized she hadn’t seen him look like that before without overcorrecting and acting like things were back to normal. This time he was confident and not at all worried about being inappropriate. He had asked her on a date and she had said yes. He could let himself give in to his feelings just a bit this once.

It made her a hundred times more nervous.

She stopped staring at him and quickly grabbed her purse, thankful for the few seconds she had to gather herself as she turned her record player off and locked the door.

Once they made it outside of her building, Karen realized she didn’t know which way they were going. "What's the plan, handsome?"

Matt offered his arm and veered them toward the left. "Matthew told me where we needed to go."

Karen nodded. "I think I can trust his recommendation." 

He tilted his heat in mock suspicion. " _Unless_ he's trying to sabotage this whole thing by sending us to your _least_ favorite restaurant."

"I doubt it.” She squeezed his bicep and he automatically hugged her arm close to him. How he’d waited this long to ask her out, he didn’t know. No wonder his future self couldn’t handle being far from her. 

“I wouldn’t put it past him.”

*****

Matt stopped in front of a staircase to an Indian restaurant. “I think this is it…”

He knew from Karen’s reaction that he was right.

They made it to the top of the stairs and Matt held the door open for her, feeling the heat emanating from the ceiling the moment he walked inside. They were seated at a booth near the middle of the restaurant and she looked above her and beamed. 

"I brought you _here_ for our first date?” He touched the laminated menu that had been placed in front of him as he tried to take everything in. “I'm a little surprised. Especially since I’ve never _been here_ before...”

Karen’s smile grew even wider. "I'm pretty sure _I_ was the one who picked the place," she said happily as a server came by. They ordered a bottle of red wine and perused the menu, discussing their options over the chatter around them that nearly drowned out the music.

Their server brought their beverages and Matt poured their wine as she ordered for them. Karen felt her nervousness return as they were left alone once more.

"So, no first date at an expensive restaurant, Page?” His confident smile was laced with the curiosity she had grown to love in her friend.

“This place has character. And cheap is much more my style.” 

He nodded like she was saying exactly what he wanted to hear. "Mine too."

“Well here, I’ll drink to that,” she lifted her glass and he met hers in the air. 

“To the cheap stuff,” he said happily as they clinked their glasses against each other. She took a sip as he closed his eyes and breathed her in.

He could hear her lips move into a smile and tried to distract her from his clear infatuation with his date. "Come here often?" He could tell there was some kind of story behind her excitement at this being the first date location of Matthew and his Karen.

"Not enough.” She ran her finger up her wine stem and gazed at him as his smile made her forget what she was saying for an instant. “But it _was_ the first place I had Indian food."

"You mean your first time since you got to _New York_?" 

She grinned as he thought back to her first time in this special restaurant. "No, my first time _ever._ " 

"How is that possible?"

"Well my hometown of Vermont had about 400 people, so the most ethnic food it offered was french fries."

Matt couldn’t imagine living anywhere other than New York. He may not have had the money to spend on new and interesting places very often, but he had been surrounded by people from different cultures with varying experiences his entire life. Before he’d moved out of his apartment complex and into the orphanage, his neighbors used to share food with the single father and his heroic son. He remembered how delicious those meals were, each with a story about a recipe that went back for generations. It was one of his favorite things about his hometown.

"So that’s why you came to New York? The food?”

“No,” she smiled. “I needed a change. I may have asked for too much though, now that I think of it. I’m still not sure if New York and I actually go together.” Her chuckle ended with a sigh as she realized how jaded she sounded. She figured it wasn’t that unreasonable given the situation she was currently going through, but she didn’t plan on bringing that backup. Not tonight.

His gentle smile made her feel like she could get through her latest speed bump. “You’re in the beginning stage of your relationship with New York,” he said as he reached his hand across the table and touched hers. She tried to control the shiver that went up her spine as she looked down at his fingers caressing her own. “Just give it some time.”

She nodded automatically, and she couldn’t explain it, but Matt Murdock spoke with such conviction that she found herself believing him. Maybe her life wasn’t always going to be about getting through each day and surviving. Maybe someday she could actually feel and be _safe._

“Things seem to be looking up,” she looked back up at him and saw him blink before blushing. He licked his lip quickly, a nervous tick that she had noticed after months of working at Nelson & Murdock. It made her feel much better.

He could tell she was focusing on him and deflected back to her like he usually did. But it wasn’t his usual defense mechanism this time. He had nothing to hide any longer. This was the perfect opportunity to know more about Karen Page and he wasn’t going to waste it. 

“So what is your favorite thing about this place?”

"Oh, it's the atmosphere.” She lowered her wine glass and gazed above her. “Can you tell how it's decorated?" 

He nodded as he tried to decipher the sounds and shapes his radar sense allowed him. "It's like no place I’ve ever been before. There is a strange amount of heat emanating from strands of lights above us. There's quite a few if I'm right about that."

"You are.” His focus had reverted back to her as she lit up about something that was so beautiful, she couldn’t describe it without smiling. “The ceiling is literally dripping with thousands of them,” she sighed. “They're shaped like chili peppers, which sounds really tacky, but it's not…”

Karen looked down at the bruised hand that squeezed hers and saw his intent gaze as he experienced her happiness in describing it to him.

“It's magic."

*****

The restaurant noise died down as they finished their meal, and Karen was so enveloped in their conversation that she didn’t even notice their plates being taken away. She was more focused on Matt, who had nervously started rubbing the corner of the table with one hand. He opened his mouth for a split-second like he wanted to say something, but stopped himself just as quickly.

“What is it, Matt?”

He smiled sadly at her. “I’m having a really good time,” he started.

“Yeah, that’d bother me too.” He could hear the smile in her voice, bringing him back to the fact that she always knew how to make him forget whatever was upsetting him. She waited patiently as he got caught up in the sound of her hair as it shifted slightly on her shoulders. 

“The last thing I’d want is to ruin this night, but... Something has been eating at me ever since he arrived and I don’t know how I—” 

Karen grabbed his hand and he stopped fidgeting. “Just say it, Matt. You can tell me anything.”

“Karen, I— I’m just so sorry.” He instinctively touched his pocket in search of his glasses, but they weren’t there to save him. He squeezed his hand into a fist when he realized the reason why. _Stupid future Matt._ It was like he knew everything. 

Her voice went from reassuring to completely confused. “What do you mean, Matt? What do you have to be sorry about?”

He couldn’t believe she didn’t see how much of a negative effect he’d had on her life. But Karen Page didn’t typically blame her situation on others. He was starting to understand that she was just as critical about her role in the unfortunate things that happened to her as he was with himself.

"About everything with Fisk and Wesley... I told you I'd keep you safe and you almost died. And now we're about to attempt to stop someone from revealing this information to him. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now." 

Karen finished what was left of her glass of wine as he placed his hand against his forehead. It was painful to see him be so torn up over everything. She was having such a good time, but there was always something looming over their night together. 

"I'm ok, Matt, really. I’m the one who got us into this mess,” he shook his head like he didn’t believe that even one little bit, but he didn’t know how to convince her. She had let herself drink a little more than she would normally allow on a first date and she was starting to feel it. It was the very reason she said something she had never planned to say to either of them. “—And hey, now I know that I have two years to get my ducks in a row. That's not so bad."

Matt raised his eyebrows. “Your ducks in a row? What are you talking about?"

"Before he gets out and finds me, Matt.” She didn’t say it, but he knew exactly what she meant. Somehow the thing he’d been most worried about her discovering was simply out there, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Matthew said he wasn't going to tell you that!" 

Karen smiled at fact that her friends tried so hard to solve her problems and keep the worst parts from her. It was an unexpected mixture of endearing and aggravating. She knew that if she tried to do the same thing for them, she’d be met with endless resistance, but there was no point in arguing that now. 

"He didn’t _tell me,_ but he did confirm it. I mean it was such an easy guess, Matt. _He came back here_ for God's sake.” She tried her best to remain calm— a far cry from how he was responding. “It's not like Fisk gets one shot on me a few years from now and is caught and I live happily ever after with a scar."

“I told him you were going to figure it out.” He shook his head angrily as she smiled in surprise. "We're going to fix it, Karen. I won't let that happen. _We_ won’t let that happen.” 

"I never thought I'd feel safe again after what I did, Matt. But at some point, I let my guard down and this happened — even with you knowing about it.” She felt bad for mentioning the future, but she needed him to understand that the risk would always be there. "What's the point in being worried all the time when we might end up here? Maybe it's time... Maybe you and Foggy should prepare yourself for the inevitable."

Matt’s original assured tone became desperate. "Please don't talk like that, Karen. It kills me just to think of a world without you in it,” he squeezed her hand. “And if either of them heard you say that you _accepted_ this… this terrible thing that you don’t deserve before we even tried to fix it…"

"I won't, tell them, Matt, _especially_ Matthew. I can tell that he's not doing well. He hovers around me all the time and touches me every chance he can get. I tried to convince him that it wouldn't be good for you to deal with that, but—" 

Matt couldn’t explain why Matthew’s overly-affectionate moments with her had stopped affecting him as much as before. Each moment he spent with his future self somehow helped him to actually take a look at his own life and ask himself why he pushed people away, and why he took on so much alone. Even with everything he’d learned about Matthew, the front he put on to deflect from his depression, the way he was so critical of himself before he’d made his biggest mistakes… he knew Matthew Murdock was the best version of himself. He wanted to help him in every way he could.

"You don't need to worry about me anymore. If you are comfortable with him showing affection, let him, but only if you want him to. It’s like I can feel what he’s going through. He does a good job of hiding things from me, but losing you was… he…” Matt shrugged his shoulders and tried to hide the tears that welled.

“Can you tell me how it happened?” Karen asked. He didn’t know how she could be so strong when she’d been dealt such a terrible hand. She was so much stronger than anyone gave her credit for. It was one more facet of her personality that took his breath away. Matthew was right, he  _didn’t_ deserve her.

Matt shook his head. “I don't actually know.” He coughed as his voice broke on the last word. “I'm afraid to ask…” He pulled her hand into a kiss and tried his best to convince her that she wasn’t alone, not anymore. No matter what happened, they’d face it together. “I messed up before, Karen. I _know that._ But we’re going to fix this. I’m never going to let anything ever happen to you ever again.”

*****

Karen and Matt felt free to talk about happier things once they addressed the elephant in the room. They were so involved in learning about each other that they didn’t realize they’d stayed past closing. Karen got the hint once she saw they were the only remaining diners and every table had been cleared.

They thanked the owner extensively as she locked the door behind them and they stood at the top of the stairs.

“I feel so bad,” Karen said as she looked at the time. “We were there for over two hours!” 

“We could feel bad, or we could question what kind of place closes at—“ he felt his watch and his voice was less confident. “—Midnight?” Karen giggled as he found the ground and lifted her off the bottom step and nto the air. He lowered her gently and she kissed his nose as her feet found concrete. He smiled as he continued, trying his best to hide the fact that he was completely smitten. “—This is New York! Some people are just getting _started_ at midnight!” 

“You mean _some people_ who run around in red suits with horns on their heads?” 

“Well, when you put it that way… it really sounds weird now, doesn’t it?”

She burst into laughter and grabbed his hand. “Maybe they have early hours because of how expensive their power bill is,” she offered.

“That seems like far too easy an explanation, Page. Something is afoot. Time to use those investigative skills.” He gasped and raised his finger like he had experienced a spark of genius. “We could be a crime-fighting team. Daredevil and Page, vigilante detectives!” 

“Since we’re using my real name, does that mean I don’t have to have the goofy— I mean _scary_ horns?”

“Hey, a very nice suit maker heard ‘ _Daredevil_ ’ and went with it. He’s an artist. And if you think I’m ok with you going out in anything less than five layers of bulletproof, you’re mistaken.” She scoffed at his overprotective attitude, but he caught himself. “I’m sorry for how that sounded. We’ll be a team, I promise. And you’ll be in charge of your own safety-attire, especially if you are of the mind that you should be wearing...  _two_ layers of bulletproof?”

Karen laughed. “I can agree to that. But only if you’re upping your safety material as well, Murdock. I didn’t get a good enough look, but from what I saw there are still some questionably dangerous locations on _your_ suit.” 

“You mean in the locations where I move my arms, and legs, and neck?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about? Thank God!”

“Yeah, we're going to need to have a longer discussion at our first team meeting. Because at this rate we’re both going to be hobbling down the street rather than catching people.”

“It’s a deal.”

He ran his hand down her forearm and her fingers weaved with hers as she tilted her head against his shoulder.

They walked slowly back to her apartment, and Matt couldn’t stop thinking about how perfectly her hand fit into his. Karen thought about a walk she had taken with Matthew where she’d turned down the hand-holding, a stupid idea that she couldn’t imagine following through with. A few hours ago she had an impressive amount of willpower. 

“It’s funny to see how different you two are. I wonder what I was like a few years from now…” Karen had been thinking it for the last day. They reacted the same way sometimes, but even with everything Matthew had been through, he joked around more and seemed… happier than her Matt had been before he’d arrived. Maybe it was to distract her from the task at hand or maybe it was the nostalgia, but it was definitely noticeable.”

”I’m sure you’re just as amazing as you are now, Page. Or maybe you’ve become just as self-assured and cocky as he is,” he chuckled. “Whatever you do though, don’t let me turn into that, ok?"

"You say that like you believe you’ll keep me around long enough to shape you into a less cocky version of you." 

"That doesn't sound so bad to me." 

She smiled. “I hate to say it, but… I kind of _like_ cocky Matthew Murdock.”

He opened his mouth in mock surprise. “That’s interesting, Ms. Page. You want me to turn up my self-assurance? Because I’ll do it if it works.”

“I knew you were going to make me regret it the moment I said it!”

“You just admitted you like him better!” His smile was more defined, even with his jaw hanging open.

“Not _better!_ This is ridiculous, I mean you’re the same person!” He shrugged his shoulders and she tried her best to veer their conversation back on track. “I just meant that I like how comfortable he is. Like he’s not hiding something.”

She realized how bad that sounded as Matt looked down guiltily and pursed his lips into a sad smile “I’m s—“ Karen reached out and stopped his lips with three fingers before he could finish. His eyebrows arched in surprise. 

“Don’t you dare apologize, Matt Murdock. I didn’t mean it like that!” She lowered her hand and continued. “I had secrets too, remember? I’m just saying, he's somehow more comfortable around me and it feels like we’ve known each other for years. I can’t explain it…”

Matt smiled and every worry left her mind.“I get it, Karen. It’s not upsetting, I promise. I wouldn’t trade his relationship with you for mine. We have everything ahead of us and none of the good things have even happened yet. That’s pretty exciting when you think about it.” 

Matt’s optimism was refreshing considering she’d been worried about Matthew’s revelations potentially destroying something that hadn't even started. 

“You don’t think that it’s ruined by knowing that our relationship is, almost—” she scrunched her nose as she said something she didn’t know if she believed. “—destined to happen?”

“I really don’t. It’s not like it’s been handed to us or it’s going to be easier. But I’ve had feelings for you for a long time, Karen. I didn’t want to lie to you any more than I already had. Now it’s all on the table. It was one of the scariest things and we got past it— or at least I _hope_ we did.”

“We did. Well,  _I_ did.”

“I didn’t have anything to get over, Karen.”

She wished she could believe him, but she was still worried, and she couldn’t imagine ever believing it. She chose to change the subject before he noticed her nervousness. 

"So what was the prep work like for this date? Did you mirror image help do your hair and spritz you with cologne?" 

He choked on his laughter. “Not quite that ridiculous, though I’m sure you would have found the humor in it. Foggy even tied my tie for me,” he touched the knot and smiled. “With Matthew it was more informative than anything." 

Matt covered his mouth guiltily and winced. She noticed immediately.

" _Informative?_ ” She knew exactly what he was talking about, but she wasn’t going to make it easy for him. “Like, he filled you in on what future Daredevil goes up against and how to charm the Avengers? _That kind of_ informative?"

Matt knew she was screwing with him and damn it if it didn’t make him like her more.

"Ummm... Yes?” She squeezed his hand to let him know that he’d been found out. “Ok, it was more you-focused than anything." 

" _Double standard”_  Her laughter hid her nervousness. The things Matthew knew about her were so many different levels of embarrassing...

"I'm sorry!” Matt said in his defense. “He doesn't shut up about it. And… I may not have tried to stop him… And maybe I asked _couple_ of questions. What do you want from me, Page? The information was right there for the taking!”

"I want _details_ , Murdock. What terrible secrets of poor Karen Page did he divulge?"

"Oh, it wasn't _secrets._  It was mostly things that made you…” He sighed.

“Made me _what_ , Matt?” She was a new level of intrigued.

“...fall for him?"

She covered her mouth in surprise. Of course, Matthew was trying to help him out for their date. He kept telling Matt about the ways he screwed up and never about the things he did right. It raised her level of interest that much more 

"He was giving you an _tips_ forhow to _charm_ me?” Her mouth hung open as he winced in preparation for what came next. “That's pretty damn adorable. What did he say?

“If I tell you or might not work…” his confident smile returned, and Karen was fairly positive he knew his flirting was achieving results.

“You’re cute, Murdock, but you’re not off the hook in the slightest…” she squeezed his hand gently, possibly warning him of how easily he could lose her loving contact, and the answers came pouring out. 

"It’s hard to remember _everything,_ ” he offered, but she shook her head. “He told me that you love to be close...” 

“Too easy.” 

“And when I smile so big my cheeks hurt."

"Awww, the Vintage Murdock smile." 

"You have a name for my _smile?_  How did I not know that?"

"Maybe," she said laughing. "It’s different from your normal smile, but when it comes out, it is guaranteed to make me forget whatever is bothering me. It's probably on top of my list of favorite things in the world."

“What else is on that list?” 

“Hmmm. Rainy days. Lavender and classic movies...”

”All good things.”

”Being around you and Foggy, especially when we get a break from work… and Foggy’s laugh. But that smile… It makes me forget any negative feelings I might have had. It makes me happy to—” She almost said it made her happy to be alive but didn’t want to bring the conversation back to that subject. “It makes me really happy.”

He couldn't help himself, blushing as he smiled ear to ear. "You know this smile comes out the most when I'm with you, right?"

She squeezed his hand lovingly and looked away from him, trying to hide how much it meant to her that he believed that.

Matt thought over the wealth of knowledge Matthew had provided him over the last day and continued. "He told me you love it when I describe things using my senses..."

He had done so over dinner a couple of times. "I do like that."

"Apparently we would play a guessing game where you’d put unexpected ingredients into a dish to throw me off when made a meal, but I always won anyway."

"Oh, God. I didn't put anything gross into your food, did I?"

"He said that in your attempts to trick me, there were some meals that were, and these were his words, _inedible.”_

She laughed. "I am a really stubborn person, Matt. I really hope I found a way to win at least once— for your sake."

Matthew had told him that she had, in fact, won one time by taking advantage of a cold he had. He wasn’t about to help her figure out ways around his senses, no matter how cute he found her competitive streak to be. "You'll have to ask him about that.”

“You know, don’t you!”

“I do and I’m not telling.” He chuckled.

“I’ll get it out of one of you, just you wait.” 

“It’s cute how you think you’re the only stubborn one with a competitive streak, Page.” She gasped. “Let me see... He also said that we'd guess people's life stories based on what you saw and what I sensed."

She smiled. "I like future us."

"I do too.”

“This is completely unfair.” She shook her head. “I kept thinking he was more on my side than yours, but, I would have taken this edge on you over hearing about all the ways he supposedly screwed up."

“He _was_ still insulting if it makes you feel better… He basically said that I'd never be good enough for you and I needed all the help I could get." 

"That's ridiculous." She let go of his hand to let a young girl with an enormous labrador barrel between them. "And these are all things he likes about me in the future. He's trying to get you to fall for a person that doesn't even exist yet."

He tried to think of a way to tell her that the details about the future were unnecessary when it came to his feelings for her. But he wasn’t one to divulge that he was practically in love with her before their first date, so he said the first thing that sounded plausible. "I guess it's pretty complicated."

He hoped there was some way to live up to the woman Matthew loved with all his heart, but it sure sounded like an incredibly high bar to reach. “So he tells you how to get me to fall for you, but I don’t get any advice on how to do the same?"

He stopped suddenly and shook his head. “You don’t need it."

“Says the person with the unfair advantage.”

Matt grabbed her hand again and rubbed it with both hands. "Karen Page, you have my complete focus every time you sigh. And every time your hair moves as you're walking. Your skin is intoxicating," he pulled her hand to his nose and smelled it, ending in a kiss. "I love how you nervously touch me when you walk me down the street no matter many times you do it. And the sound you make when you lick your lips. You definitely have my attention without even trying." She smiled with closed lips, and he could tell there were tears in her eyes, but that didn’t stop him. “You genuinely care about others and are willing to go to any lengths to help them, no matter what. You make me feel like I deserve to be happy, Karen.”

She was beaming. "Ok, Murdock, I'm bright red right now. No one has ever said that many amazing things about me in one conversation."

"It’s not hard, Karen. You are an amazing person."

They walked in silence for the first moment of the night, and the butterflies returned to each of their stomachs. Matt’s thumb traced over the back of Karen’s hand, feeling the intricacies of the small area of skin as he grazed over it. He couldn’t wait to memorize every part of her; to truly learn about ever wrinkle and dimple and sound she made with him. To hold her close to him without worrying about exceeding the appropriate amount of time. He wanted everything at once and forever. He wanted to make her smile every day for the rest of his life.

“We’re here already?” He knew the answer. She had slowed to a stop and he could make out the outline of the enormous banister to her building.

“I wish I could say live two more blocks away, but, this is it.” Karen disliked the finality of the phrase but she knew their date would have to end eventually.

He didn’t want it to end either, so he offered a solution. “Could we sit for a minute?” 

“I’d like that.”

She walked him to her steps and they sat down, their knees just touching as Matt fidgeted with his hands. He relished every second; the sound of her heart as it beat nervously, the way she pushed her hair behind her ear as it moved in the light breeze. They were angling toward each other like they had been for the last 24 hours, begging for something more but holding back as always. 

But for the first time in their friendship, it was different. This time he knew her happiness was because of him. This time she felt how calm he was now that there was nothing stopping him anymore.

He laughed under his breath as he inched just close enough that it didn’t make sense to hold back anymore. “Alright I’m gonna kiss ya,” he said gleefully, resulting in a small, but excited laugh from her before their lips made contact.

Karen lifted her left hand to feel his jawline before his hand found her forearm and moved to her neck. They took it slow, kissing without the worry that there were bystanders who might be bothered by their affectionate display. They were the only ones on their block or in all of New York for all they knew. Nothing else mattered.

He smelled her skin as they took a breath and then dove back in again, pulling her to him gently and leaning into her. She gasped as the intensity increased, running her fingers through his hair like she might lose him if she didn’t hold on tight.

Matt didn’t want things to end there. He didn’t care if they sat on her couch talking for the rest of the night or stood across the room from each other for another hour, he had to try.

"Karen, I…" He spoke between kisses. “How would you feel about—”

She kissed him once more before tilting her forehead against his. “I’d love that, Matt, but…” she sighed as she leaned against him with her eyes closed, trying to find the words that were the complete opposite of what she wanted, but failing.

He decided he’d do the right thing and save her from saying something that was obviously difficult for her to decide. “Not tonight?” 

Karen nodded in agreement, hating herself for being rational but knowing the many reasons that outweighed her desire to bring him upstairs.

“You’re right,” Matt started as he tried his best to smile his way out of the situation. “ _Yo_ _u’ve_ got a really big day tomorrow, and I… Well, I have two numskulls who are mixing alcohol and fire back at my apartment.” 

Karen’s curiosity took hold of her. “Wait, what?!?”

“Let’s just say, if Foggy and I’d never met, we never would have discovered Flaming Dr. Peppers, and he would have had two full eyebrows during the fall of 2011…” Karen laughed at the idea of her two irresponsible friends, hoping she’d be able to witness such a display someday.

She kissed Matt one last time before squeezing his knee in thanks. “Tonight was perfect, Matt. I’ll never forget that.”

She stood up and he listened to her as she pushed her hair behind her ear and went up her stairs. “Neither will I.”

She unlocked her door and looked back at him, watching him smile as he felt for a nonexistent pair of glasses without thinking. Then it hit him like a lightning bolt. He tilted his head as he sensed a change in her; a feeling he could only describe as an intense sadness that sent a shock to his heart like he’d never felt before. He jumped to his feet to check on her, but he missed her by a moment, opening his mouth to speak as her door closed and divided them by just a pane of glass. 

*****

There was a small but fortunate crowd who knew about Foggy Nelson and Matt Murdock’s [drunk party tradition.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13501196) It was a karaoke routine for the ages, complete with unexpectedly impressive vocals and minimal effort dance moves, until the finale, which involved Foggy sliding on his knees across whatever floor space was provided. 

Matt’s apartment floors were perfect, and Foggy did as he promised, sliding as the last note of Foreigner’s “Jukebox Hero” played, and then covering his mouth and his stomach with his hands as he waited for the inevitable. He took a breath, proud that he’d somehow kept his dinner down while shaking his head at Matthew’s laughter.

There was enough of a silence between songs for them to hear Matt’s downstairs neighbor slamming a broom handle into the ceiling below them. Matthew looked down and Foggy’s eyes followed suit as Matthew lifted his finger to his lips an shushed his best friend and then burst into laughter 

“What did— what’d I tell you?” Matthew stuttered. “Never mix Flaming Dr. Peppers and Foreigner! It’s like you never learn.” He felt his stomach lurch slightly as well and decided they’d both been cut-off.

“I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again, Murdock. And I must say, I think we get better the more liquored up we are.”

“That’s the alcohol talking,” Matthew chuckled. “ _And_ the lack of an audience—” 

Foggy cut him off and stood up dramatically. “I do miss the audience,” he said dreamily. “People cheering over our incredible dance moves...” 

“Cheering.. _laughing…”_  

He pointed at his time-traveling friend. “Your memory’s going _bad_ , old man.”

“Your drinking memory was never good, _Foggy Bear...”_

Foggy cringed. _“_ Egh, it’s so much worse when _you_ say it…”

 _“I know_.” Matthew smiled. He turned toward the door and Foggy gazed in the same direction yet again. “Why in the hell—“

The door opened and a smiling Matt walked inside, dropping his coat and keys on the bench.

“What are you doing back here so early?” Foggy said as his friend emerged from the hallway.

“It’s not that early…” he corrected him. “I’ve been gone for over three hours—”

Matthew slumped on the couch and shook his head. “You idiot.”

“What!” Matt snapped. “I did everything you said! I can never win with you!”

“I guess I should have been clearer. _Don’t turn her down when she invites you up!_ Idiot!”

Matt looked perplexed. “Actually, _she_ was the one who turned _me_ down...”

“Wait, _really?_ ” Matthew said. “Well, then I owe you an apology. I guess it’s all tied up now. Maybe I need to go back one more time to get this right…”

He had the attention of both his younger self and his younger best friend.

“You turned her down on your first date?” Foggy asked him.

Matt sat down and used a finger to stop the shot glass from hitting him in the face as he drank the small amount of mixed beer from a pint glass. He flinched as he tasted the remaining concoction before the shot glass fell back to the bottom. He opened his mouth in disgust and Matthew smiled at him and explained his past actions.

“It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And these days, that list is pretty long.”

“Then why’d you do it?” Foggy asked him.

“The scars, Foggy. I was so close to telling her about Daredevil because I couldn’t take _not_ being with her.” He shook his head at his past stupidity. “If I hadn’t screwed everything up, she would have found out about Daredevil the moment I couldn't take keeping my hands off of her, which would have been soon. That’s how much I wanted to be with her. But there wasn’t a second date for almost a year.”

Matt couldn’t believe it. “You stopped dating after your _first date_? And you’re worried that I’ll be the one to screw things up?”

“You’re still the same person, dummy.” Foggy laughed at Matthew’s chastising tone. “And we made it a _few more days_ before I screwed everything up, but no, we didn’t have a second date.” Matthew cringed at his own pathetic argument. He had been quiet about the details of this particular aspect of his behavior so many years ago, but he didn’t deserve a new reputation. Not after what he did. “The Punisher trial had been expedited, and I screwed that up. Foggy was so mad at me that he told me not to come in after a particularly bad day. Karen came over to try to get my help and… Stick let her into my apartment so that she could see Elektra... who was in my bed.”

Matt pushed his feet off the edge of the coffee table and slammed his feet on the ground, glaring at his future self and shaking his head. Matthew just nodded sadly at him.

“Wait, you _cheated_ on her?” Foggy asked incredulously. “You turned her down and then you  _cheated on her?_ ”

Matthew shook his head. “We didn’t sleep together, Foggy—”

Matt may have been angry, but his head was clear enough to find the flaw in the cheating theory immediately. “Wait, why was _Stick_ there?”

“Elektra, she… she almost died. The Hand uses this poison that requires a specific, painful antidote…. Nothing happened, but it didn’t _look good.”_

Ever the best friend, Foggy was worried about one person's feelings in this story. “And Karen?”

“She didn't ask for an explanation, just walked away from everything. That's how you know you've screwed up, guys. When Karen Page is so disappointed she doesn't even bother to sate her curiosity. The final nail in the coffin was when Frank Castle surprised me on the stand and I failed in court. After that, Nelson and Murdock was no more.”

Foggy slumped into the armchair. Matt, who was without go-to fidgeting device, thumbed at his temples. “There’s something I really don’t get about all of this.”

Matthew was ready and willing to give any information that might prevent his past self’s future stupidity. “What’s that, Matt?”

“Why didn’t you go after her? Why didn’t you explain?”

“I lied to her, Matt. And I just kept digging a Midland Circle sized hole—” He sensed the confusion in the room. “Sorry. Look, I _did_ tell her. But it was after everything she was dealing with involving Frank Castle and it was after Elektra’s death…” He shook his head angrily. “It was too late. I had lied too much and both of them needed space to try to start their lives over. I gave up Daredevil — I thought it was for good…” Matthew took a breath and addressed his younger self. “She let me back slowly, but I still found it in myself to lie some more, even after coming clean. I didn’t trust that… I mean when you reflect on why you hid everything... like actually _reflect_ , what are your reasons?”

“I didn’t want to implicate them in my illegal activity. And—”

“It’s that kind of stupidity that led me to temporarily lose the people I loved. It goes deeper than that, Matt. You... I… _We_ don’t believe that people will stick around. Mom, Dad, Stick, Elektra. They all left in one way or another. You thought that Karen and Foggy would see your dark side and leave because you’ve been alone for most of your life. You’ve been abandoned numerous times. And you started to keep secrets the moment you discovered the ramifications of your accident — it’s the only way you know how to live. But trust goes both ways. They are fiercely loyal, Matt. The circle of people you trust will get bigger. And _that’s not a bad thing.”_

“Okay.” Matt nodded. “I know we’re trying to fix things, and maybe that will work and all of this can be avoided, but I keep wondering…”

“If there was ever a point when you started to do things _right_?” Foggy added. He was wondering the same thing.

Matthew sighed. “It took a while. I lost them and I gave up Daredevil… They were willing to let me back in gradually and I started up again. But it took one more monumental screw-up for me to be able to get my shit together.”

Matt wasn’t prepared to ask what could be worse than everything he’d just heard. Luckily for him, Foggy was there to find out. “What could you possibly have done after all of that?”

“Your biggest fear, Foggy.” Matthew sighed. “I nearly died. Both of you said your goodbyes, and it was a month before you knew that… it took some time for me to recover and get to you… I could barely speak and my memory wasn’t so great. I went to you as soon as I could."

Matt put his head in his hands. He wondered if he’d ever be able to get everything right. It had been his biggest worry for the last year. Leaving his best friends with no explanation. Karen and Foggy showing up at the hospital or morgue... The possibility of them going down for what he did even after he was gone. But thinking he was dead… that actually _happened._ She mourned him and then he was suddenly alive. How in the _world_ did she ever choose to be with him again?

“It was my stupid fault. I was trying to save the city from Elektra. The Hand brought her back from the dead, Matt. _They can do that, by the way._  They turned her into a weapon and I tried to save her. She deserved that much after everything she went through and then _dying_ for me… I knew there was no chance that five of us were walking out of there and I told them to leave so that I could keep her back.”

He paused to wipe away tears over the memory of his heartbroken friends. He would have avoided that moment at all costs, but it did help him to understand how much other people needed him. He sighed sadly as his audience waited for the part where things finally started to look up for the man who had been through the unimaginable, but it never came. He needed to drive home the fact that nothing was going to improve if Matt didn't change immediately. 

“I should have done better. And people welcomed me back sooner than I deserved. My Karen never had a good life, and I’m such a huge reason for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys saw the link to the karaoke routine excerpt. Here's the link just in case:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/13501196


	9. All She Ever Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica looks into Nelson, Murdock, & Page. Karen makes a decision. Matthew scrambles to hold everything together.

Jessica Jones downed half of her “triple-shot espresso with room for whiskey.”

She’d been more tired than usual that morning and that was how she’d ordered, garnering a laugh and a knowing smile from her barista; a woman who looked like she’d seen some shit herself.

She cringed at the memory of what had just happened before shrugging it off. She didn’t have time to be hard on herself.

She wasn’t an early riser, that was just a fact. But when the job called for it, she showed up because she was a professional. No matter who the client was, the job always involved looking into their background. Just because Matthew Murdock had seemed charming didn’t mean she should ignore her standard practices. It had quite the opposite effect, actually, especially considering what she was about to do for him.

The truth was, she had already done her due diligence, and she didn’t know why she was still delving into his life in search of answers. There was just something about him that told her he was hiding something, and even though that feeling was nothing new, it bothered her more than it usually did. Most people in this shit city (and, she assumed, in every other one for that matter) seemed to be hiding something. But the feeling of guilt which nearly overshadowed her need to know the truth, _that_ was new.

Because every piece of information she discovered about him pointed to the fact that he’d had to work twice as hard to get where he was. She found hospital records which said he hadn’t been blind when he was delivered, but she still hadn’t had time to see if there had been a newsworthy incident which led to his impairment. If there was one thing she knew anything about hospitals, it was that certain information went _undocumented_ occasionally. Her own background of being experimented on and turned into what she was proved that, and it was the driving force behind her need to know whatever else there was to know.

So she tailed him after they met. To his apartment— which he used a fire escape to enter, making him that much more peculiar. She hung out on another rooftop nearby and waited for him to do the same thing again if he chose to leave, but he didn’t do so for another hour. She looked down at just the right time to see his partner enter through the front door a few minutes before Murdock left, which was interesting at the very least. Then she followed him to his secretary Karen Page’s apartment and to an Indian restaurant a few minutes later before getting bored and calling it a night.

Today she sat on a bus bench across the street from the firm waiting for the people from Nelson & Murdock to arrive. First came Nelson. Grew up in New Jersey, graduated from NYU for undergrad and Columbia Law three years later. Took an internship at Landman and Zack before starting his own firm with Matt Murdock. Helped take down Wilson Fisk, an impressive feat if the articles she’d read about him were correct. She’d been a little distracted the last couple of years, so she didn’t have the slightest clue about Fisk’s destructive involvement in Hell’s Kitchen until the news hit. Nothing really surprised her anymore, though. That man had his hand in every important pocket in the city and going after him was bound to cause problems for a little firm that seemed to only do pro-bono cases and small-time claims. And that made Nelson and Murdock that much more interesting.

Next came attorney Matt Murdock. He was not as easy to research in the short amount of time she’d had to do her due diligence, though she hadn’t given up yet. Graduated from Columbia on a full scholarship for his undergrad and Columbia Law after. She was waiting for more information from a contact she had at Columbia admissions. She didn’t usually take a lesser fee, but she had with him, and she hoped it would pay off.

Jessica hadn’t spent any time on Karen Page— yet. She was the last person to arrive at work and the first person to raise some confusing red flags. Karen walked to the door to let herself into the building before doing a 180 and walking a different direction than she’d come from. Jessica followed her to a nearby park as she attempted to listen to a two-sided conversation Karen appeared to be having with herself on a swing set.

Jessica sat on a nearby bench - close enough to hear what Karen was saying, but far enough to go unnoticed. Unfortunately for her, Karen Page stopped talking, choosing to stare wistfully at nothing in particular. Jessica was 90 percent sure she could go wave her hands at the woman and get no response.

Karen was definitely upset, and Jessica was pretty positive she saw her wipe a tear from her eye. She found herself feeling sorry for a woman she didn’t know without having even the slightest clue as to why she was upset. It confused her and made her want to turn around and leave, but she gave it a minute. She heard her whisper something to herself as she lifted off the swingset and planted her feet firmly on the ground.

“ _You can do this_.” Jessica looked down at her newspaper as Karen spoke with the same about of awareness at her surroundings, but more determination this time. ”You _have_ to do this.”

She picked up her purse and walked quickly back to the office. Jessica tailed Karen back to the office, keeping her distance when the woman surprised her and ducked behind a building. Jessica sat down at a wooden table, trying to remain conspicuous, but it didn't matter. Karen's eyes were closed.

Jessica looked up to see what was so upsetting, her jaw dropping as she did a double take.

She didn't understand how it was possible. She'd been gone five minutes and here was Matt Murdock, strolling into the office complex in a _different_ suit and tie.

She told herself that she had to be mistaken, even though he seemed significantly happier than the man she had seen just ten minutes earlier. That Matt resembled the Jessica she had seen in the mirror. Hungover, exhausted, and questioning why he was going to work at all. Now she wondered if delusional needed to be added to her own list.

Karen stood in the same position for several minutes as Jessica questioned what she just saw. He didn’t have anything new in his hands; no coffee or breakfast. Were there _two_ of him? That couldn’t be right. She looked down at her pocket as it vibrated, and answered her phone.

“Yeah?” she said to the man she had been waiting to hear from.

She looked up and saw Karen take a deep breath before finally going inside.

“I’ve got what you asked for,” came the voice on the line. “It’s… Interesting.”

Jessica dropped her coffee cup into a nearby garbage bin, along with her travel-sized bottle of whiskey, shaking herself out of her haze. This was just a standard law office. Why was she more confused than ever?

“I’ll be right there,” she said quickly.

What the hell had she gotten herself into?

* * *

Matthew groaned as he lay on Foggy’s office couch. He knew there was a reason he didn’t drink like he used to in college. Foggy smiled and handed him an ice pack before he settled into his office chair.

“I told you I wasn’t going to do that again after a little party known as ‘Foggy’s 34th extravaganza.’” Foggy had practiced the same restraint for a different reason which involved a broken kitchen cabinet and ten stitches.

“Yeah, but that hasn’t happened yet, so it doesn’t count.” Foggy didn’t want to go through it again either. His brain was splitting and he didn’t know he could vomit as much as had until just an hour before. But banter with Matthew Murdock was becoming one of his favorite things.

“You know, I don’t even know why I’m worried. That is Matt’s problem. I’m gonna be… well, I won’t be here to experience it a second time, that’s for sure.” Matthew sank into the couch and groaned as the ice pack fell off his head. He was fine with the fact that he didn’t have the energy to pick it up no matter how much relief it was giving him.

“I don’t like that idea,” Foggy said sadly. “Can’t you just stick around? Can you imagine the fun we’d have… or the amount of work we’d get done?”

Matthew smiled as he stuck his hand in his pocket and rubbed his fingers together. “That’s not how it works, Foggy, I… if I don’t go back, I’m pretty sure I’d end up leaving you to stay _here_ eventually. And we’d probably get caught, which would be a disaster. Not to mention, Karen…” Matthew tried to shake his head, but changed his mind and massaged his temples. “It’s too weird to even think about.”

“Fine, I guess I get it. We’ll be sticking to the rules of the universe.” He sighed in mock sadness that was a little bit real. “So much for becoming a ‘superfirm.’”

Matt walked into his partner’s office and handed a cup of coffee to each of the disheveled gentlemen before sitting down in the space Matthew had made for him on the couch. He lifted the ice pack to his future self’s forehead and smiled at the two of them.

“Thanks, buddy!” Foggy said in a chipper voice.

Matthew glared toward his best friend. “I’m taking one for the team here, Matt. Don’t ever let him do this to you again.”

Matt chuckled. “ _He_ seems fine.”

“That’s because I threw up all night and I have been cleansed of the wicked flaming Dr. Pepper,” Foggy said. Matt could sense his movements were slower and was thankful to be the one who felt fine.

“I need to cure this hangover before tonight,” Matthew said. “Because an impaired Jessica Jones _and_ Matt Murdock do not make the best reconnaissance team. We _are_ a great pool duo though.”

He leaned against Matt, who patted his head gently.

Matt smiled as he heard a familiar heartbeat. She was hanging her jacket on the coat hook. She didn’t go toward the voices, opting for a cup of coffee instead. Karen smiled at the new bottle of vanilla on the counter and poured some into her coffee cup before pouring the remains of the fresh pot of liquid on top. She sighed sadly as a hand gave her a spoon to stir the sugar she’d just added.

“Hey,” he said with a head tilt and a smile that broke her resolve. He touched her elbow gently and rested his head against the back of her shoulder.

“Hey.” She didn’t turn around, and he instantly felt the chill coming off her. He pulled away like the last two days hadn’t changed anything. _Maybe they hadn’t._

Matt heard the phone ring in the other room as Matthew groaned, _“Make it stop,”_ before Foggy clumsily answered it. He shrugged and focused on the seemingly melancholy woman before him.

“Is something wrong? You seem… different.”

Karen knew what she had to do. She’d thought about it all night, and every thought came back to the same thing. She turned to him and opened her mouth, already fumbling for the words as Matthew walked in with his hands on his ears. “I’m fine. I… I wanted to talk to you.” She felt small, forcing herself to get her confidence back because both of them would know. Matthew didn’t notice yet, smiling at her without reading the room. “ _Both_ of you actually.”

“What is it?” Matt asked.

“This is really difficult, I…” she saw Matthew’s confused, but somehow still cocky look and turned back to Matt. “I’m sorry, but, I don’t think I can do this anymore Matt.”

There was a resounding silence as the words made their way to each Matt’s consciousness. She watched as the color drained from her Matt’s face; wincing as it hit Matthew a few seconds later. He turned to his younger self and reverted back to blame.

“ _How in the hell did you screw this up_?” Matthew said angrily.

Matt shook his head sadly. “ _I don’t know_. I’m sorry, Karen, but is there something I did—“

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I just don’t want to date you. It’s that simple.”

“Oh,” he said, defeated. “Ok.”

She couldn’t help but reach out for his hand but she stopped mid-air as she saw Matthew walk over to the opposite wall nearest the exit. She ignored him and refocused on Matt. “I didn’t mean to be so harsh, Matt. Last night was great, really. I shouldn’t have…” She heard Matthew slide down the wall and cross his legs as he closed his eyes. He placed his hands on his thighs and took a breath.

“What are you doing?” she asked annoyed. She and Matt both looked completely confused.

“Meditating.”

“Why?” Matt asked. Most of the time he could understand his older self’s movements, but he couldn’t make sense of anything at the moment.

“Because this is the most ridiculous conclusion she’s ever drawn since I’ve known her. And I need to clear my head.”

Karen glared at him. “This isn’t funny, Matthew.”

“I know it’s not. So stop being ridiculous.”

Her fury returned. “I _will_ if you stop being an _asshole_.” Matthew smiled but didn’t open his eyes. Matt would have laughed at his future self being told the harsh truth in any other circumstance.

“Call me whatever you want, sweetheart. It doesn’t mean I’m not right.”

Matt jumped to her defense. “Things have obviously changed, Matthew.”

“But they haven’t.” Matthew’s tone was so matter-of-fact that Karen turned bright red, and Matt was trying to think of a time he’d ever witnessed this much anger from his friend.

“Is it so hard for you to believe I don’t want to be with you, Murdock?”

“Yes.”

She shook her head. “I can’t believe this.”

“And I _can’t believe you.”_ Matthew’s petulance took Karen by surprise. No version of him ever treated her that way. It was the last thing she expected.

Matt was furious. “That’s enough, Matthew!” He was fuming as he started to wonder if they really were the same person. “I’m so sorry Karen.”

“You don’t need to apologize for him, Matt,” Karen wanted more than anything to explain everything to the man who did his best to make things easier when she was pulling the rug out from under him. Her Matt Murdock was kind without needing a reason. But Matthew was there to help her forget his sympathetic side immediately.

“You’re right, beautiful. He shouldn’t be apologizing. _You should._ ”

Matt’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “ _What is wrong with you_?”

“You’re wondering what is wrong with _me_? How about you stop letting your feelings cloud your judgment, Matt.” Karen glared at him, unsure of what he was getting at, but waiting for his all-knowing insight into how _she_ felt. No matter how long they’d been together in the future, she knew there was no way he was that intuitive. To her knowledge, her future self hadn’t done this before. But he continued to prove her wrong.

“She’s not doing this because she doesn’t want to be with you. She doing this because she's given up. _That_ is unacceptable. And frankly, Karen Eleanor Page, I expected more from you.”

Karen recovered quickly. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Matt felt clueless for the hundredth time in the last several days. “What’s he talking about, Karen? Wait—”

Karen knew not to look at Matt’s sad face; never breaking her glare from Matthew. “He knows you’re lying, Karen.” Of course Matthew chose to continue to make things worse. “It was a nice try, sweetheart. Not your best effort, but you were never going to win this one anyway.”

Karen was at a loss. Matt looked tragically astounded and Matthew looked like he’d proved her wrong. “You can accept this or not, but it doesn’t matter because this is my decision.” She squeezed her hands angrily and unclenched her jaw. “I’m done with this conversation. I’m going out for coffee.”

“You have a coffee in your hand right now,” Matthew said without breaking his focus on the task at hand. His eyes were still closed and he went right back to his breathing exercises. It only infuriated her further.

“I need coffee _any place that isn’t here_ ,” she said, pouring the cup out and dropping it in the sink. She blew through the office and slammed the door on her way out.

Matt listened to her as she exited the building and made her way up the block, trying to calm down and breathe normally. He felt a pang in his stomach and found his way back into the room he currently stood in. Foggy was still on the phone and Matthew’s heart rate had slowed as he continued to meditate. Matt didn’t care about interrupting.

“That jackass tone you’re using is really working for you, Matthew.”

“Thank you.”

He didn’t know why his future self’s response was a surprise. “You’re screwing up any chance I had with Karen by ignoring her wishes and blaming her. Have you even thought about the _possibility_ that this is the right thing for her right now?”

Matthew sighed angrily and pushed himself off the floor. “I know your first instinct is to give up, Matt. It's not like I haven’t taken that approach before.” Matt shook his head. He couldn’t take being told what his actions meant, and he wanted to put the spotlight on the one man who had actually made mistakes. It was infuriating. “Look, I’m not about to stand by as she runs from this, not this time. This time _she’s_ the one who’s wrong. I just wish I had been smarter. I should have seen this coming.”

“How could you have seen this coming?” Matt asked already knowing the answer.

“Don’t be mad, but… she may have figured out the real reason I’m here. About what that monster did to her.” He shook his head as everything clicked into place. “ _Of course_ _she's responding this way._ ”

Matt sighed. “Yeah, she told me last night. You really didn’t think I could’ve used a warning about that?”

“You’re right.” Matthew sighed, but Matt looked at him like he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “Look, I know I haven’t treated you well, Matt, and I’m sorry. I’m sure you think it’s unfair to be this hard on you, but... You were about to do everything I told you I did— all of it. I didn't know if you'd changed enough because I was here, and I couldn’t let it happen again. I just wanted you to focus on the important thing, which was making her happy.”

“I’m sick of you assuming I’ll make your same mistakes, Matthew. Haven’t I proven myself enough by now?”

Matthew sighed and rubbed his fingers over his right pocket. “Every time I look back to this moment in my life, I wonder how I could have been so stupid. I know you’re doing better, but that’s because of my interference, Matt. You haven’t _earned_ anything yet.”

“I really can’t win with you, can I?”

“I’m sorry, but until we finally do right by that woman, I’m afraid not.”

“Fair enough,” Matt said.

“So this is because she figured out she died. We can work with that. As long as everything goes to plan, we have a chance to fix this.”

Matt nodded. He thought back to the night before, and the way Karen seems to change from happy to utterly hopeless. He wished he knew what triggered it, but it happened in the last moment of their date, and he had hoped he’d just misread the situation. Maybe he hadn’t.

“I don’t know, Matthew. Something feels… _off_. I got this feeling last night… I don’t know if it’s that simple.”

Matthew blew over that possibility. “What else could it be? She has feelings for you. You’ve stopped lying because everything is on the table. That was our biggest roadblock, and she’s moved past it. I really thought that avoiding all of the pain would make things _better_ , not worse.”

“If we’re putting her through this much pain, maybe… Maybe this is what’s best for her…” He hated himself for thinking it, but he wondered if everything Matthew had described was good for Karen. He wanted her to have a happy life, not the one she ended up having.

“It is and it isn’t, Matt.”

“What do you mean?”

“She may think she’s doing the right thing, but… She’s gone through enough alone, and it breaks her every time. It’s taken years of watching her push her own needs aside to realize just how much she’s been the caretaker in her relationships. You’ve seen the way she tries to make sure things between you and Foggy are harmonious. She’ll stop taking care of herself in order to solve your problems. She tried so hard with her family, but it was never enough. This family you’ve created, it’s everything to her.”

Matt swallowed sadly. “That’s not going to go away just because we aren’t dating.”

Every piece of information he received about the woman he had feelings for made him sink inside himself. They hadn’t known each other more than a year, but she always tried to solve his problems, or at the very least, let him know she was there. Where had he been all that time? Were his conflicts really that much more important than hers? He didn’t believe that anymore.

He wasn’t going to let her feel alone again, no matter what.

Matthew smiled as his younger self worked through everything. He already knew he was better. But to him, being better would never be enough for the woman who made him realize that he deserved happiness.

“Pushing your feelings for each other aside is going to break her. And you. We’ve done it before. She told me it was always better when we were together.”

“Maybe you’re right, Matthew. I can put enough faith in this belief that you know what’s right for her. Let’s just do what we have to do and stop talking about it. These conversations are starting to feel wrong.”

“I wish there were another way, but I’d rather she avoided the pain and you were just there for her. Can you understand that?”

Matt didn’t even have to think about it for a second. “Yes.”

“Good. You'll see I'm right, Matt. Karen doesn’t even know what to expect when you start putting her needs ahead of your own. I know you’re not in the best place, but her wounds are fresh. She needs you two.”

“I’m doing fine, Matthew.” He said honestly. Worrying about Karen’s feelings over his own came naturally.

* * *

“Iced coffee for Karen?”

Karen started at the tile beneath her feet in a daze. Someone dropped a cup of water, which leaped from its cup and sprinkled the hemp of her dress, but she didn’t notice.

“Iced coffee,” the voice said sternly. ”For Karen.”

She took a deep breath as she grabbed her drink from the counter. She had finally calmed down after her aggravating conversation and was on to the blaming stage. How could she have been so naïve as to think that a breakup conversation would be better with _both_ of them? She’d seen how obstinate Matthew had been with his younger self and how he’d acted around her. He had gone _back in time_ to save her life, for God’s sake.

She opened the door and her grip loosened from her plastic cup as she saw Matthew’s smiling face. It fell from her hand and he reached out instantaneously, catching it and attempting to give it back to her.

She glared and walked past him without taking it back.

Karen made her way into a crowd of people crossing the street, but he caught up to her once they had passed.

“ _How did you?_ You are so incredibly aggravating, Matthew Murdock.”

He shrugged. “You will later describe my persistence as a lovable trait.”

A hint of a smile peeked through gritted teeth. “I doubt it.” She may have ignored him when he was a considerable pain in the ass to his younger self. She was kicking herself for not being more helpful to Matt because just the idea of him moving on to arguing with her made her cringe.

“Can we pause for just a moment, beautiful? I want to talk to you without ‘angsty’ listening.”

“Oh, so now I’m ‘ _beautiful_ ’? Five minutes ago I was _ruining your life_.”

“I don’t remember saying that…”

“You implied it.” The grin didn’t leave his face. Karen sighed as she moved out of the walkway and onto the brick steps of a brownstone. “ _And can’t you hear for blocks_?”

“I can. But we are several away and he is focused on an important phone call. And trying to think of anyone else _but_ the woman who’s breaking his heart.”

She threw her unattended hand in the air, giving him the opportunity to grab it. She smiled sadly as she watched him stroke her fingers. He was making it so much harder for her to give up on everything she’d ever wanted.

But she had to.

“ _What are you trying to do to me, Matthew?_ ”

“The same thing you’re doing to me. Which, if you think about it _is_ twice as bad.”

“It's not my fault that there are _two_ of you. And I’m not _doing_ it to hurt you. Can’t you see that?”

“Whether you want to hurt me or not, you are and you know it.” He wasn’t afraid to put everything out there, even if the truth was painful. Honesty was all she really wanted from Matt most days, but this time it made her feel ten times worse.

“It’s not like I started out with the intention of going down this path, Matthew...” If she could go back in time she would have stayed home instead of going on the best date of her life. Actually, if she was really thinking about it, she’d have stopped herself from going to that nursing home. And talking to Daniel Fisher. And she’d have saved Kevin.

The list of things she would have prevented was quite long, unfortunately.

Matthew had noticed her drifting off. “If I had a dollar for every time I said that about a mistake _I_ was making…”

“ _We_ aren’t the same person, Matthew. You already have one of those back at the office.”

He saw right through her attempt to lighten the mood. “You can't do this, baby. We worked through everything—“ he lifted her face gently so that she was no longer avoiding his glance. “ _Everything_ , and you _never_ gave up on me.”

“I’m not giving up on you, Matthew. I could never—“ she paused. She didn’t want to give him any idea that there was a chance for the two of them. “I’m doing this _for_ _you_.”

“Well, you have a pretty terrible idea of what I want, then.”

“There is a chance that this won’t work out, Matthew. I shouldn’t be with _anyone_ with this inevitable event hanging over my head.”

“I’m not going to let that happen, Karen! And I’m not _anyone_. I’m exactly who we need to stop it from ever happening.”

“I know you’re my best chance, Matthew. and maybe you will. But I’m not going to risk ruining your life for _maybe_.”

He took a breath, his lips wavered as he tried to appear positive. It was getting more and more difficult to hide his fear of losing the love of his life.

“You’re honestly telling me that you are willing to miss out on everything?”

She didn’t budge. “It’s not missing out if it hasn’t happened yet.” She said quickly. “Look, I’m sorry that this affects you, but I didn’t make this decision lightly. I’m doing the right thing here.”

“Hey, if you’re willing to skip over all the happy moments we had together, there isn’t much I can do to convince you. But that is a pretty depressing thought.”

She knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. Matthew was twice as transparent as his younger self. He was there to fight for her. He squeezed her hand desperately, and she tilted her head as she lost her ground. “ _Please, Matthew—”_

“Because I remember everything, vividly. The first time I told you I loved you, and the first night we spent together. That trip we took to—”

“I don’t need details.”

“—to that cabin where we lost power and had to sleep by the fire. And we engaged in activities that kept us warm— so that we didn’t die.” His smile returned, helping her forget her promise not to compromise.

“It was _that_ cold?” Karen said skeptically. She couldn’t help herself. Her curiosity always got the better of her.

“That’s what you told me. And I am no weather expert, so I took you at your word.”

She smiled at her own lie before remembering her decision.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. Because I remember every shampoo you ever used and the way it made your hair smell. And our first fight as a couple— another time where you were _completely wrong_.”

“How am I supposed to believe anything you say when you are so clearly lying to me right now?”

There it was, a much-needed spark of light. A chance that all was not lost.

“ _There’s my girl.”_ Matthew pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it, prepared to run with the chance he was given. “You can’t honestly tell me you are willing to skip the moment we moved in together, or when we redecorated the apartment so that it was ‘livable.’”

Karen’s mind drifted to a future she never thought possible. Filled with thousands of breakfasts and walks and late-night conversations. Chances to kiss him whenever she wanted and to finally feel free and safe. Moments with an actual partner who was as deeply in love with her as the man before her.

“I’ve traveled across time to make sure that we can have the life you’ve always wanted, baby. _Together_. And I’d do it a million times because that’s how much you mean to me.” Matthew felt tears welling in his eyes and smiled. Every memory of his old life was painful. He wished he didn’t know what it was like to have everything he cared about ripped away from him, but it seemed to be the theme of his life. He planned to break the cycle. There was no other option.

Karen saw the look on his face and remembered exactly why she’d come to her decision. She was bound and determined to hold to her promise.

“I’m sorry, Matthew, but I’m positive about this. I won’t give in. You and I are never going to be together. You should be feeling something by now, or however, it works when life events have been altered.”

“But I’m not. What does that tell you?”

“That I don’t understand the ramifications of changing events in alternate timelines.”

“Listen to me Karen. I will not _stop_ until you are safe. None of us will. You are the woman I am meant to spend the rest of my life with, and you don’t need to prevent heartache that won’t happen. You’re just putting yourself through unnecessary misery.” Karen was unbelievably frustrated. She was actually speechless, which told her that she was losing more and more ground. “Look at me and tell me you don't see it. Tell me you don't understand that I'm madly in love with you— and I have been for years. I won't.... I _can't_ live without you in my life. You don't want to do this to us. I know you, baby”

She paused and he felt a glimmer of hope, but her response was even more the opposite of what he wanted. “He doesn't love me yet, Matthew. And I hate to take everything away from you, but maybe this life wasn't your best option. Maybe you can do better.” “Don't you dare say that.”

She stood up and threw her hands in the air. The truth didn’t seem to be enough to get through to him. “Fine. Then Maybe _I_ can do better.”

He laughed.

“Of course you can do better,” he said matter-of-factly. “But you don’t want that.”

“How would you even know how I _feel_ about this, Matthew? He and I have been on _one_ date, for God’s sake!”

“Because you love him and you love me. He doesn’t know it yet, but I can tell.” She moved out of the way of people on the sidewalk, looking up as he stepped closer to her. “No matter how much I think I know you, you always surprise me. I should have seen this from a mile away.”

She gulped as tears streamed down the side of her face. “I don’t love you, Matthew.”

He took one more step and stroked her face. “I know when you’re lying.”

Karen tilted her cheek into his palm for a split second before composing herself. “It can't be a lie when I'm not even sure myself. You don’t know _everything_.”

“I may not know _everything_ , but I know _you_ , Page.”

She blinked away tears. “Please, Matthew, don’t do this to me. I can’t be the reason you... Why is it so hard for you to let me do the right thing?”

“Because you are my soulmate. And not dating me won’t prevent the heartache if something terrible happens to you.” She sobbed and he pulled her close to his chest. “I know it in my heart, darling. This is not how our story ends.”

She knew he believed every word he said, and she wanted to believe in them as much as he did. Maybe they could fix everything. Maybe they could be happy.

She smiled through the tears as he stroked her face and lifted her chin. Nobody had ever looked at her with so much love and conviction. It was scary and wonderful all at the same time. She didn’t have any more strength to fight it. All she wanted was Matt Murdock because he made her happy to be alive.

He kissed her passionately and she gave in, pushing down the sob in her throat and forgetting everything that had led up to that moment. He hugged her gently, but just enough to hold her up as her legs gave way.

It only lasted a minute before it was over

He lowered her hands slowly as she pulled away, not letting go as he felt a lump rise in his throat.

”I’m so sorry, Matthew. I just can’t.” She let go of him and wiped away tears with both hands. The feeling of finality was too much for him to bear. “I know you love me, and maybe you’re right about how I feel, but... Even if it’s true... _it just isn’t enough_.” 

Matthew barely heard whatever words she used to brush him off before she walked away. He sat back down, forehead in hand for an unknown length of time until his best friend sat next to him and put his arm around his shoulders.

”She left?”

Matthew nodded.

“She just needs space, Matthew. Everything’s going to be alright.”

He no longer believed it, but he forced a smile anyway. It really felt like he’d lost her again; resulting in the disappearance of any remaining hope or positivity. He tried to listen for the sound of her heartbeat, but she was long gone.

”That’s the thing, Fog... “I’m not sure if it is.”

* * *

Jessica Jones was 90% sure she was going to Hell if it existed.

Lying to a nun was right up there on the list of things you weren’t supposed to do. Lying to a nun to find out if a blind client was actually blind… that went beyond her definition of acceptable.

But here she was in an orphanage asking about Matt Murdock all because she didn’t understand why he’d use a rooftop entrance instead of his front door? She had to ignore the guilt she was experiencing because she still had a gut feeling that something was off. If she was right about her hunch, it would say quite a bit about his character.

She sat on the other side of a wooden desk staring at a woman who pulled a book from a shelf before looking at the door and calculating just how quickly she could leave before the woman noticed.

_Too late._

She turned her head and saw the nun smiling at her.

“Matthew has always had a kind heart,” Sister Mary Robert said happily as she opened her journal and removed a photo. “I’m so glad he is doing well.”

“Well” was a bit of a stretch. All of the research she’d done had told her that Nelson & Murdock’s clientele tended to be Hell’s Kitchen residents who were down-on-their-luck, a noble cause if ever, but also the reason they were on the verge of broke. They didn’t seem to turn anyone down, and their typical client tended to be hard-working, exhausted people who had nowhere else to go.

The woman handed her the photo and she found him immediately. He sat on the bottom of the same stairs she had climbed to enter the orphanage. There were twenty or so kids and several other nuns. Sister Mary Robert looked like she was barely over eighteen. Matt sat on the outskirts, cane in hand, looking more despondent than the other children.

She wished she hadn’t seen the photo, but it answered one of her questions. He really was blind.

 _So there it is, Jessica. Congratulations! You’re an asshole_.

“Mr. Murdock’s firm has been serving the people of Hell’s Kitchen for about a year,” she said in her best reporter voice as she gave the photo back. “They’ve gained some momentum ever since the Fisk case and we’re considering doing a profile on Mr. Murdock, but I’m in the beginning stages and don’t know much about him just yet. My friend at Columbia said this might be a good place to start.”

“You’ve tried talking with Matthew?” Sister Mary Robert started before answering her own question. “I guess if he's anything like he was as a child, he has kept his accomplishments to himself. Matthew has never been one to boast about his about his achievements or the trials he’s suffered through.”

“He spoke about his time at his internship and gave me basic facts about his college education,” Jessica said. “But I don’t know much more than that. I only just learned that he was orphaned so young.”

“Yes, it’s quite tragic. He lost his father so soon after he lost his sight. That poor boy knows well of finding strength in loss.”

“What happened?”

“His father was… taken too soon.” Jessica could tell that she wasn’t going to get much information about why, but she didn't need to pry. She could find out on her own.

“Matthew’s father died just months after his accident. He saved a blind man from being hit by a truck and, I believe, chemicals took his sight, poor thing.” She shook her head sadly. “Jack was all Matt had, and he took his death hard. He spent months in his bed— from what I’ve been told. I came a few months after he arrived. They think he came down with something, but they had to call a specialist in to help him… He did much better after that.”

“Are you saying he suffered… a mental break?”

“I’m not sure if that’s the right way to put it. I thought he’d at least healed from his accident, but from what I witnessed, and I only saw the tail end, mind you, it seemed like his senses were overloaded. Maybe it was tied to his father’s death. He couldn’t tolerate noise, he barely ate. He couldn’t be touched and he couldn’t sleep. The poor boy has been through so much.”

Jessica was starting to feel sick over her research. It sounded like Matt’s father had been murdered and he lost his sight saving someone. Trish’s mother had been particularly horrible to her, but at least she’d had somewhere to go. She looked around at the dark walls of the orphanage and imagined getting through her own loss like that. She could hear the unmistakable sounds of children playing outside, but it didn’t matter. The place depressed her.

Sister Mary Robert saw the look on Jessica’s face and did her best to bring the story back to a happy place. “Matthew always helped others, Ms. Walker. He didn’t see his disability as a hindrance, he believed that God had a plan for him. It was so easy to write that letter of recommendation— I meant every word. He was an excellent student and an even more loving person.”

Jessica gulped as the nun’s eyes filled with tears while she continued. “He may have isolated himself slightly, and he didn’t like to have special attention paid to him, and he was more than willing to listen to the other children who were experiencing loss. Even now, he still volunteers with students with disabilities— especially at the school for the blind.”

Jessica smiled, but Mary Robert backpedaled as she became aware of the picture she was painting. “I’m just realizing how much information Matthew would probably not want to be included in your article. He would never want the story to be about his own tragedy. I’m sure you’re good at your job. If you can, please make the focus of your article on the people he’s helping now. I’m sure he’d appreciate that.”

“I’ll do my best, Sister. I’m not even sure that the article will see the light of day, I’m just following some leads.”

“I hope it is, but if not, I’m sure it’s God’s will. Matthew was never big on attention anyway.”

Jessica had reached her threshold and decided it was time to leave. Sister Mary Robert met her at the door and touched her arm gently. She had to ask her one more question.

“Um, Sister, one last thing,”

“Anything, sweetheart.”

“Did Matthew come here on his own? I wasn’t sure if he had any siblings, or, a twin or something?”

 _“_ A twin, my dear?”

“Sorry, it’s silly. For some reason I thought he had a sibling…”

“I’m afraid he was all alone once his father passed. Matthew is truly one of a kind, Ms. Walker. I always worried about him, but he’s resilient. I think there’s a fairly small population of people who can understand what it’s like to have the people they loved torn away from them so abruptly.” She looked at the investigator with kind eyes. “To be orphaned that young…”

Jessica’s departing smile wavered slightly, her eyebrows lowered as she tried to ignore the memory that usually led her to gulping down the nearest glass of liquor she could find.

“You’re right, Sister. I’m sure that would be hard to get over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I had a really hard time with this chapter and every time I tell myself I'll get something finished, it takes three times as long. Don't give up on me yet, guys. I'm not giving up on this story, I promise.
> 
> Sister Mary Robert is definitely taken from Sister Act.


End file.
